Desi Nashaa in Toronto

End of the road

2005-08-18T12:31:00.000-04:00

Sorry peoples, aka my audience of 3, Ive tried recovering this blog, but you know what? I'm smothered in work and everything else and I really cannot do due justice to this blog as during my Dubai days. I'm taking a looooooooooooong vacation from this blog, and chances are I won't be returning!

Hope you all have a good life, and enjoy ...well, LIFE!!!

Cheers!

Oxymorons

2005-08-12T10:52:00.000-04:00

To the plain man who is dictionary-challenged, oxymorons are basically words that are a contradiction in itself, e.g. "motor sports" , "reality tv" etc.

An oxymoron is NOT: a big oafish-oxish guy who is a moron.

Observe.

My phone's been in wireless hell for the past couple of days (actually when is it not?!), but now it's finally been fixed.

So I got a slew of sms messages that finally came through, one especially from a hottie friend who has been dying to get a hold of me.

Hot friend's message 1 : "hey cutie, I called you a couple of times today, but couldn't get a hold of you. I'll try again tomorrow."

Hot friend's message 2 : "hey babes, phone fixed yet? Are you at work today? Cuz I can call you anytime now."

Me: "hey you, yeah, phone's working, take a break and call me!"

Hot friend's reply back: "great, I can't call you now, I'll call you inthe afternoon."

LOL. If he wasn't so damn hot, I would've blocked him, but I guess you can't have it all!

Jerry-McGuire-righteous-moment

2005-08-09T15:22:00.000-04:00

It's been a long time since I got into the Bollywood scene... actually, after I left Dubai, Bollywood's been dead out of the window for me. So today I went to a site to see what was going on in there, and lo and behold, here are some of the titles, courtesy of India Daily's latest:

The order that you see here is exactly as copied and pasted from India Daily. The only 3 posts i didn't post were those of Tara Reid behaving like a slut in parties, Paris & Britney in India, and John and Bips kissing rumours. Other than that, everyhting is sex-related.

I dunno what to say, except holy fuck.

I've lost all respect (well, not that I had much to begin with) for these filmy guys and the tabloids, but I think what I'm more disappointed is, well, none of this would be possible if sex didn't sell. Sex sells, yeah. But more than the tabloids, its the women who are making sure their sex sells.

But whats really unfortunate is, most of these Bollywood sluts are so keen to go topless and bare all, all for what? Yeah, ok, money, and they are the subject of every desi guy's wet dreams, yes.

But.

When the time comes, when the party is over, when they realize that selling their bodies just don't do it anymore (ie when their boobs will sag and no amount of make up can hide those crows' feet and huge thighs and bulging tyres), they will realize that nobody will want them anymore. This will be even more obvious when they are past 30, of marriageable age, have no steady boyfriends because they have dumped their boyfriends in favour of the limelight (or because their significant others couldn't handle their fame), and their ovaries will cry out that they want babies and the women will realize too late that there will be no one around them because typical desi men are double standard - yes, they love oogling at you and would love to make out with you, but then you aren't the type pf person that they would be taking home to their moms in the first place!

These women who are supposed to represent the Indian women to the outside world, because they have so much exposure to the outside world, are doing such a good job at showing what a bunch of slappers and sluts they are. Meanwhile, we have a white Hollywood film star like Angelina Jolie who is the epitome of beauty and sex with her pouty lips and cat-eyes, but who travels the third nations giving huge exposure to the poverty and inequalities that exist there, all for a pindly UNICEF salary, adopting kids from the same countries, and who uses that media exposure to espouse humanitarian issues for a generation of people who belong to third world nations and who are too horny to focus on any important issues because they are too busy taking their tops off!!

Oh how the tides have turned.

Whatever happened to the gold old days when Paendoos with oily coconut hair would run around trees chasing Lakshmi in cheesy frilly frocks, a dishum here and a dishum there and family problems solved! As cheesy and pathetic as they were, at least everyone had morals back then!!!

Yes, land of Kama Sutra should get jiggy with being comfortable with the idea of sex. BUT, sex is different than slut factor. Heck, Bollywood should just be renamed Pornywood. Open-in-your-face-porn. I don't blame the guys for this, of course. Sure, the men directors want all this, and the audience want this, but ultimately, who has the upper control? The slutty women in Bollywood. Theyre the worst for giving in.

Yes its sad that foreigners from other countries are all the rage these days, and if the girls from India won't expose, then the other girls will do just fine. But I guess the B girls had forgotten how thats what set us apart from them - I'm sure theyre all fine and dandy, but we have a different set of social values and traditions, thats all!

I'm sorry if I sound all prudish, but you know what? It's kinda sad knowing that this is what some people would do for a little attention and this is what winning beauty pageants lead to these days.

Open letter to all the people of the WORLD that can't drive

2005-08-09T14:36:00.000-04:00

Stay off the roads!!!!

MORONS!!!

The Air Crash thing...

2005-08-02T18:52:00.000-04:00

Tous les passagers du vol AF 358 sont sains et saufs.

Whew, otherwise the media would've had a field day. Plus the dying would suck royally.

I'm back bitches!!!

2005-08-01T21:22:00.000-04:00

I've sort of lost all the personal links I've had (and no, I really can't be bothered remembering each and every one). I also don't know who reads my blogs these days, so I don't want to look like an ass by including links to bloggers who are trying their best to forget me (hahaha!).

I don't really give a toot as to who links me to their blogs, but if you would like to be included in Desi Nashaa version 3.0 blog, give me a shout and I'll squeeze you in somewhere.

(see, I'm making an effort, I'm not so bad, I'm just a little lazy so help me out!)

Eat eat eat

2005-07-25T00:45:00.000-04:00

Is it wrong to start a health regimen on a weekday by totally pigging out the weekend before?

And by pigging out, I mean:

-having chocolate for breeakfast (ewwwwwwwww) at 8 am
-having lunch at 10am (meat meat meat)
-having post lunch dessert at noon (gajar ki halwa)
-having second lunch at 2pm (fish, salad, mutton)
-having post second lunch at 4 (chappatis)
-having dinner at 8 (salad salad salad + pineapples + cashews)
-having tea at 11 pm
-having tandoori at midnight

Hmm. No, I cant possibly be preggers, males don't interest me these days.

No, I'm not getting fat either, in fact I've lost a ton of weight (watch out Lindsay Lohan!) and now I can count my ribs

3 things

2005-06-01T22:23:00.000-04:00

So I've been tagged by Lone Rangers here to do this little survey/interview thingymajic (i dunno what you call these things, ok?!) where I answer questions about myself... and of course this should be fun because it's all about me me ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!! And I'm so much fun and so high on myself, how could I resist, right?!

So here we go:

Three screen names that you have had: Desi Nashaa, summerlicious, celestine_prophecy

Three things you like about your self: My navel (hahahaha, stop drooling AMR!), my zeal for life, my ability to make people squirm in their seats

Three things you don't like about your self: My tendency to go all bi-polar, my tendency to get bored easily, my sense of spontaneity (which lands me in shit *most* of the time)

Three parts of your heritage: Desi, Desi, Desi.

Three things that scare you: Slimy things, death, not finding the right purse to match my shoes.

Three of your everyday essentials: Moisturizer, chocolate, water

Three things you are wearing right now: tee, capris, Echo by Davidoff

Three of your favorite songs: I Will Love you (Fisher), Where I Want To Be (Lifehouse), Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein (Kabhi Kabhi)

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months: White water rafting, stroganoff, figure out how to wear a sari

Three things I want in a relationship: Comfort, understanding, stupid-love feeling (that doesn't include jumping on sofas like Tom Cruise)

Two truths and a lie: I hate cheese, I can't stand stupid people, I have two cats (not in that order)

Three things you can't do without: Shoes, momzilla, friends

Three places you want to go on vacation: Seychelles, Argentina, Spain

Three things you just can't do: Take shit from people, eat peanut-butter, watch someone filing their nails

Three kids names: I don't have kids. I have me, my cat, and my alter-ego

Three things you want to do before you die: Learn how to work the TV with the DVD and the satellite, meet Clinton, walk on a tight-rope

Three Celeb crushes: George Clooney, Lenny Kravitz, Rob Thomas

Three people you want to know these things about: I'll stop this insanity right now... no one! hahahaha, sorry Lone, am I not a smart litle devil?!

I go away for a couple of days, and look what the cat drags in!

2005-05-30T23:41:00.000-04:00

BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. Or was that a squeak?!

I think somebody is pissing his pants, and it sure isn't me!!

So yeah. I'm being threatened with legal action and catch the comments on this post to find out why !! Hahaha! How exciting, considering I've never been threatened with legal action before, I can tell you things are going to be pretty exciting!

My response??

I already have a template response to rude people, and this can be found at post of Friday 13th (!!!).

Also..... my mother didn't raise any dumb kids. I've been raised in the school of hard knocks, and I know how to hit below the belt if I have been shat around with... so, screw me once, shame on you....but screw me twice, shame on me.

So, in light of that, this is an open letter to "Walid" aka webmaster/lawyer of said company who is threatening a blogger of all things.. *rolling eyes*

I have to first point out that your comment was posted at 6.45 pm Canadian EST time... which makes it 2.45 am Dubai time... I have associated with lawyers in Dubai, and I am well aware no lawyers or Webmasters in Dubai are THAT late working away for the good of the company. I'm sure you have your women to cater to at that time over there. Or porn I'm sure hahaha!

Secondly, I don't care who you are, but I'm glad I got SOME attention from the company... hey, whatever works! It's funny how you're posting at Dubai time 2.45 am, and "Not Anonymous" from same company posts almost 2 hours later (ie. 4.31 am Dubai time) with same legal action blah. It's also funny how both of you have decided to register at Blogger now since Anon posts are not possible anymore, and it's also funny how both of your grammar and writing styles are almost identical!! Along with the bad English! Hmmm, could it be... you are the SAME person masquerading as one?! THAT IS PRETTY SAD!!!!

Thirdly.... why is it that all Anon rude-ass AND "walid's" and YOUR comments are almost at the same times?!! 7 pm EST 3 am Dubai time... coincidence?? Haha

FYI, I know my Anonymous commentors because I have communicated with enough to surprise them at their INBOXes.

Fourthly, I am now definitely sure that you were that nasty Anon commentor... because:
less than 24 hours after my post, you came back to my blog to check. Like you always do, to make anon comments. Thanks to Blogpatrol.com, I know who visits my site, and statistical info about my site tells me what's your IP address, and how many times your specific IP address have visited site since last visit. And incidentally, its amazing how Anon's and your statistics all match up?! Isn't technology grand?! Same fucking times too!!!!! (I bet now he is going to a cyber cafe on his lunch break and post!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA)

Fifthly, I googled for your company, and my blog didn't even come up with any of company's links, so the company webmaster has no clue, which STILL makes you an ass AND a liar.

Sixthly, I will admit that the one error I have made is assuming you are the boss of the company, when in fact you are merely the manager or something to the extent. With regards to the effect, I will amend the post so that it mentions that an "employee" of said company is defaming his name, as well as his company's, by posting rude comments on a personal blog site. Thus, any slanderings do not legitimately reflect on the company or its products or services as a whole, but will reflect on the employees of said company. And wouldn't that be a crying shame to the company? I'm sure it is an excellent company with first-class boats, but it is a pity it hires such uncouth people who have tendencies to contact personal bloggers, provide ALL details of the company he works for, and then abuses bloggers by personally messaging them and subjecting them to derogotary and abusive language, consequently leading one to assume that employees of the company are nothing short of animals. Said company should take lessons to amend and rectify such negative behaviour of their employees if anything. I'm sure firing someone is a good start.

Seventhly, I would like to point out that your threats to legal action are falling to deaf ears. I really do not care if your company is registered in Canada or Kathmandu... if it will take the bloody Pentagon to come after me, PLEASE PROCEED. Full-steam ahead if you must! I should very much like to see YOU or the "webmaster" actually point out to your REAL boss how an employee of his company have contributed to its defamation because YOU were stupid enough to waste company time during the hours when you should have been working, by instant messaging me on Yahoo and striking up a conversation, sending me a link to your company website, inviting me to send resume to your HR department, suggesting I may wear short skirts at your workplace, making dumb toilet jokes for Pete's sake, making gross lewd comments, asking me personal questions then going on a swearing rampage when I declined to comment to your questions, all this to someone as young as your daughter or grand-daughter as you had claimed. Company time and resources, well-spent! If you would like further information, I may provide you with the saved conversation messages. If you had just shut up and proceeded to be a good employee instead of logging online, NONE OF this would have happened. And please save your excuses that you do not have time to post and log online... not only were you online until recently during company hours on yahoo messenger, but you are also online at bloody 2-4 am in the morning! You have plenty of time to be online and show your desperate self on my blog!
SO YOU dug your own grave and I sincerely do not give a fuck.

Eighthly, I have read Blogger's terms and conditions, and the worst they can do is shut down my blog. Oh well, to this I don't really care, I'll just open another one and still blast the same employee of the company till someone else comes across it!!

Ninethly, if you are lawyer from said company, I can assure you the culprit is the Egyptian employee El Arabaty who owns that BMW or Lexus SWV. He even sent me a picture of it, would you like to see the license plate numbers? Plus, your English needs some work buddy... bad grammar and English just doesn't cut it you know... kills the professionalism and is just not intimidating enough!

I will NOT be retracting my post, considering this is MY blog and I choose to utilize it the way I, the owner, see fit. I will amend the owner part, since I was mistaken there. TOUGH LUCK on the rest of it. You may take consolation in the fact that if I keep posting continuously, the post in question will be pushed back so it will not be available at the first screen, thus rendering the post as officially buried somewhere in the blog. If you would like to see the post pushed back as far as possible, it is in your best interest to not aggravate me anymore so I won't keep posting about this very interesting topic, leading me to post more mundane topics that will not involve you or said company.

Keep in mind that this is a blog for fuck's sake, not a corporation's website which is governed by corporate laws and regulations. Hence, while internet laws may be applicable to certain websites, I would like to find out how you is it that you and your people are going to contact the Internet police, use a substantial amount of company and federal resources to track down a blogger with such little information. Considering I can make this ALL go away with deleting my post or my blog at the push of a button, I would think it would be very interesting if you went ALL the way to achieve your legal goals at the pursuit of retracting ONE post.

If you are going to pursue legal action, please be my guest and go right ahead! I'd like to see you try!!

I have been to Dubai, and I am well aware of the common usage of scare tactics and exaggerations that people such as yourself resort to get what you want. And it's not working on me!

Please be advised that while I am not retracting my previous post unless an apology is in order, I am now officially bored of this topic and hence will not be wasting my time addressing this lame topic any further. If, however, you continue being rude or even communicating with me, I will bring this and related posts to the attention of your company's HR/public relations department myself (the real one, yeah), and unlike you, I'm not running scared! If you continue to blast at me or cry like a baby, I will continue to delete your messages that you post, thus offically ignoring your wine and cheese party (I doubt you got that joke, people that are dropped in the head usually don't get that joke). As mentioned previously, your best bet is to shut up and hope that if you close your eyes, this will all go away. Also please refrain from visiting my website or posting as you are not welcome to my blog.
Finally, IF YOU APOLOGIZE for being so rude with those anonymous comments (BECAUSE I KNOW THEY WERE YOURS, dont play stupid), I will drop it and delete all related posts. End of discussion.

NO APOLOGY = NO DELETE.

YES APOLOGY = YES DELETE = this never happened.

THEN, your REAL webmaster or your REAL boss won't find out and you can go to sleep at night without wetting your bed. You decide. Negative publicity, or an apology?

And, if you don't get any of this or you refuse to comply my request for apology, let me make this clear:

YOU MAY CONTINUE TO KISS MY ASS!!!

Anonymous Story's depression saga Part 2

2005-05-28T01:03:00.000-04:00

Having gotten tired of stuffing dill pickles up his ass, (thanks to Desi Nashaa's advice as per here , Anonymous began to think new ways to stuff his ass with and to keep himself amused.

Which would do for him?? He was tired of getting kicked in the balls by every female on two legs. Heck, even the hairy men refused bribes to dill-pickle him. He couldn't believe it..... hairy ogre men would rather eat camel testicles swarming with ants than so much as look at his grotesquely ugly face.

So Anonymous did the next best thing. He was well off, or so he'd liked to think. He liked gadgets, after all, this Anonymous was an employee of www.idreamboat.com, and he made his money selling his boats and sometimes to meet quotas, by sucking off rich people's whatchamacallit to make a few bucks. He also liked helicopters, and he had always wanted something BIG to stuff his ass with.... dill-pickles were just not satisfying him enough. Boats were big and nice, but he wanted something that not only vibrated, but also a toy that went chop-chop.

Then one day, Anonymous had a great idea!!! A helicopter!! It vibrated & went chop-chop, and it would stuff his ass nicely!! But where would he get a helipcopter?? A boat person's salary just wouldn't do!! He only paid commission of 2% to his sales staff, which really didnt bring much, and they were too busy screwing around with him for him (metaphorically of course... remember that anonymous couldnt even get a beached whale to fuck him) to be able to afford a helicopter.

SO Anonymous did the next best thing.... he had to take his desperate frustration out on someone.... he was just TOO HORNY AND Desperate and pathetic, DESPITE owning a few measly boats and sucking off rich people, he visited Desi Nashaa's blog again, and expressed his utmost desire to fuck Desi Nashaa here in this post, helicopter-style.

Poor Anonymous. He saw his world sink, just like his shrivelled up penis did, and just like boats sink.

And since I'm not in Dubai, Anonymous, YOU CAN'T DO A FUCKING THING ABOUT IT, YOU FUCKING RETARD called elabaraty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!! this is too funny!

P.s. if youre not him, oh well, kiss my ass anyways YOU Anonymous TARD!!!!!!!! lol

Whose shoes do I NOT want to be in right now?

2005-05-24T19:45:00.000-04:00

Katie Holmes.

Poor girly.

Tom Cruise is so nuts about her that on Oprah's show yesterday, that this is what he did yesterday:

-He kept on jumping and bouncing up and down the sofa
-He had a smile and a grin on his face the size of Texas
-He jumped up and down the sofa AGAIN
-He kept on saying how he had never felt this way about anyone else before
-Sofa got flattened AGAIN
-He kept on yapping about Katie like a 12 year old boy on his first teenage crush
-He hugged Oprah like a million times
-He ran across to Oprah when they were 2 inches apart (and Oprah looking like she wants to run)
-He grinned some more
-He yapped about Katie's beautiful "life force"
-He bounced on that sofa till it resembled like custard that Fat Bastard had consumed
-He ran around Oprah's stage
-He ran for Oprah again
-He grinned again and now Cheshire cat and Tom are competing
-He kept on grinning
-He squashed the sofa so now not even the homeless will take it as a freebie

Yep, our Tom Cruise is all grown up now because he is IN LOVE. At the risk of sounding like a spoilsport, I would like to say that I'm a big romance fool like any other Juliet. I thought the first sofa jump was cute. The grins were goosebumpy. But he kept on grinning. Like freaky. And he kept on bouncing. Like an energizer bunny. And this was for at least half an hour.

And knowing Tom and how he likes to drive hot women crazy like Nicole and Penelope then dump em like a hot potato, and how he likes to show up in kindergarden schools ONE DAY out of the 365 days a year watching kids learn cuz "its amazing watching kids learn" (yeah, theyre becoming rocket scientists in the ONE day you were there, Tom)... hope Isabella and Connor get that treatment too, and how this is allllll done in a convenient manner when his new movie is coming out, and how they always have to publicize all the good things he does (so fake! Oprah does the same thing!! If youre really generous, you dont have to show the whole world about it! Now if Oprah and Tom do the walking on mines thing like Angelina without bragging about it, I may call them self-less!)

It's hilarious. Watching a grown man 16 years Katie's senior go ga-ga over her when Katie is playing Ms Cool I dont have to try so hard.

Poor Katie. I wonder if she will accept the whole Scientiologist thing, cuz thats when he dumps all the women and then time to start screening for new love of the life!

Take lessons from Angelina, Tom, if you really want to "WIN the world over" (IM SO witty haha, this is in line with his movie WAR OF THE WORLDS), cuz it worked for Brad Pitt!

No ranting these days....

2005-05-23T23:55:00.000-04:00

...maybe I'm finding my happy place!! So, here are some pics instead:

2005-05-23T23:04:00.000-04:00

Little puppy was going crazy over big pup...err, dog.

2005-05-23T23:03:00.001-04:00

Anne Geddes should hire me to take such 'ooh-aah' cutiepie pics

2005-05-23T23:03:00.000-04:00

Three naked people in a tub. Yep, Dubai peeps, this is what you see outside the stores in downtown Toronto. The Pathans wouldve been so jealous and drooling!! LOL

2005-05-23T23:02:00.000-04:00

Niagra Falls. Like all desi families, we went to the Falls over the long weekend (ie this weekend).

2005-05-23T23:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, I MOI took this pic. Summer is absolutely gorgeous. All the more reason for me to be some calendar's creative director.

2005-05-23T22:58:00.001-04:00

Raghav too... he should just stick to ...well, dunno what he really is good for... NOT dancing... NOT singing.. maybe modelling...slurp slurp lol

2005-05-23T22:58:00.000-04:00

Adnan 'fat' Sami at concert sometime in mid-April

An Anonymous Story

2005-05-19T16:33:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, there was a guy called Anonymous.

One day, Anonymous got really horny and desperate (well, more horny and desperate than his usual self), and decided to amuse himself by writing the three phrases he used in clubs which only earned him fingerprints on his face in clubs. He wrote this in Desi Nashaa's blog, namely here.

Poor Anonymous. He still remains horny and desperate to this day.

THE END.

To all the weirdos out there who read my blog and send me weird emails/messages

2005-05-13T15:02:00.000-04:00

Please be advised that:

* I do NOT want to be your girlfriend.
* I will not come back to Dubai just for you.
* I am not looking for a relationship WITH YOU period.

ALSO, this is MY fucking blog, and I say what I please. Do NOT expect me to make apologies to you, cuz frankly, I love who I am and I don't give a shit!

Also, if you have problems with ME, please stuff a dill pickle up your ass and kindly go kill yourself.

crap

2005-05-12T14:45:00.000-04:00

I just realized all the people from my links ie other bloggers' links didnt get updated when i updated my template. dont be mad. will work on it. soon. err, yes, soon.

Fucking morons on the roads

2005-05-10T22:37:00.000-04:00

.... just should not be on the roads! Period.

(oh and yes, Kevin made me post!)

I have one rule about driving cars... if you cannnot drive them, you shouldn't bother being on the roads. END OF STORY. Stay home and lay a few eggs or something! Two things in life piss me off royally... people who cant take no for an answer, and people who think they can drive but can't.

A few days ago, I was driving. I was like 2 minutes away from my home. There was this car in front of me, and the driver was driving at 80 km/hr in the residential neighbourhood. Suddenly the light turns amber, and because she was driving so fast, I think it was best that she should have gone thru the light. What does the lady do?

She hits the brakes, then accelerates, then hits the brakes again. Obviously she is trying to decide if she should run it or not. I was right behind her, and I almost hit her. So end result, she hit her brakes. Result: She is smack right in the middle of the fucking intersection. The light is red, and she is sitting duck like Gen. Custard. I was right behind her, so because I expected her to run the light, I am also smack in the middle of the fucking intersection.

She is blocking traffic. So I honk at her to move it while she still can.

What does she do?

She gets out of her car and starts yelling at me. All I could see in the sunlight was that she had wayyyyyy too much foundation on her. I tell her to calm down, she's in the middle of the traffic and she should have gone thru. What does she do? COntinues yapping and yelling at me. Yell yell yell. And all I think of is, wayyyyyyyyy too much makeup.

Dumb bitch finally drives away.

Tell me, what kind of a moron does it take to sit in the middle of the fucking intersection on a red light. You don't sit in the middle of the fucking intersection on a red light. You find somewhere to go. And all she could do is yell yell yell away. Do these people have brains??

And why was she yelling? I wasnt honking at her like mad. I did a light honk to tell her to move it. Sheesh. Some people should learn to relax or their make up will just ruin it for them.

Today, I was trying to get into a parking lot in this college. You know how you have to press the "Get ticket" button to get inside the lot? Well, he was blocking it. The guy in front of me was just sitting duck, not moving. So I thought something was wrong with his car, and bypassed him to the entrance. And then I noticed that the guy was blocking a signboard that said "Lot full/monthly permits only". So now I was stuck in front of the guy, and since it was such a narrow lot, I couldn't even reverse to back out.

So I tell the parking attendant if he could open the lot for me so I could make a U turn and leave. Meanwhile, the guy who I had bypassed gets out of his car and starts yelling at me and accuses me of cutting him off.

I ask him if he's finished and tell him that it was a mistake, he was blocking the sign and I didn't know he was waiting, I thought his car was busted and he can very well have his place in the line. Another lady comes up to me and accuses me of the same thing.

Nobody listens to me, they keep cutting me off. I flip then. I let them have it. I tell them I dont want their dumb spot, if they would just listen they can see it was an honest unintentional mistake, but noooooooo, dumbass and his bitch go yapping away.

FUCKING MORONS.

Moral of this story: For those road rage drivers who have no idea how to drive a fucking car... . I don't go yelling at people the minute I get out of my car. I assess the situation, and if I am at fault, I apologize and try to fix it. If somebody pisses me off too, I go upto them and I do NOT yell at their faces like I have a dill pickle up my ass. There are people out there who get extremely aggressive about the littlest of things. The minute they step put of the car they think they are on a battlefield. RELAX. It's not the end of the fucking world. If you go in there all pissed up, you do not look very persuasive, you look like a fucking retard instead. Not everybody is out to get you. Sometimes people make mistakes and if you talk to them politely, things are fixed. IF someone fucks you up royally and looks liek they have meant it, then yes, go stuff a dill pickle up your ass and rant away like the fucking tard that you are.

Alright. I'm done.

HOLY F***

2005-04-29T15:51:00.000-04:00

Fish, dammit, it's holy fish!

Happy I've-not-blogged-for-1-month anniversary to my blog!

To anyone that is possibly out there and still reading this... ( I admire your patience!!!!) yeah, ok, I've been gone for a while... what can I say, I have been a tad busy!!!!!

Anyways, will have this place up-and-running soon.... maybe get rid of the green and go for a whole new makeover.... yeah, get geared up for the summer!

Amit and other dubai bloggers..if youre around.... yeah, I might drop by in the summer (thats still tentative), *assuming* its ugly and cold in Toronto ... plus apparently there's some new Voyager wheel going on in AD... whats up with that?!

blog soon, ciao!

UPDATE:

to all past commenters:Right here we go.......

FIRST, I AM NOT DEPRESSED, NOR DO I NEED HELP NOR DO I NEED ANY SELF-HELP BOOKS. FOR THOSE THAT THINK THAT..... a polite

FUCK YOU.

second, yes, TO ALL, i have been away yes. out and about town, travelled a wee bit but not too much because i am thinking of italy and greece in the summer but might have to tag along with mum and dad there! (if they are going to be footing the bill, they might as well!)

its nice to have been missed, i think you have to be away to know what its like to come back home..... so believe me when i say it was nice and appreciated to be missed! I Missed YOU TOOO!!!!!

anyways, gotta go for now.....it is just friday after all..... but have a great wekeend to all, and i;ll see u all soon!

# posted by desi nashaa in dubai : 4:00 PM

An ode to a meaningless existence

2005-03-29T02:42:00.000-05:00

You know when you were a little kid growing up....
and you wanted to be an astronaut, or a fireman, or a formula 1 driver, or a rockstar, or a DJ, or a fashion-designer, or a barbie-doll burner (trust me, I wanted to be that).....
and you have dreams to date/marry/screw the hottest chick/guy in school...
and then you go to school, and got the crap beaten out of you because of your crazy ideas (or for knowing Pythaogras' theorem by heart, whatever nerds get beaten up for these days).....
and then you realized that you had to be a genius in algebra to make it to NASA school (or that you had to have barbies to burn to be a barbie-burner)....
so you gave up your crazy dreams and settled for something more realistic like an accountant or a doctor or a lawyer or pizza-delivery guy (hey, they're people too!)...
and you realize of course that meeting people and dating and scoring aren't all what it's made out to be...
so you wise up, and settle for someone less than your stellar vision of the perfect significant other....
and then you go out to the real world, and you get a DESK job and you realize you can't hang on to your daddy's coat-tails like you did in school....
and learn that YOU have responsibilities and YOU are accountable and that YOU have to take care of yourself....
and with all this piling up in your head, you realize how hard it all is, how complicated life is, how repetitive it can be, how you go through life every day, just getting by, just living it, just counting the days till the weekend.... and then the next weekend... and then the next weekend....

until a life-shattering experience such as an earthquake/tsunami/natural disaster/shortage of potatoes hit the nation (in some cases, AGAIN) and affects YOU....

then you realize how short this life (albeit crappy) really is...and then you jolt awake from that meaningless existence that you had thought was life....

and you decide to take control of your life and RE-LIVE life the beauty that is life.

until you're lured into another boring job/significant other/lack of social plans and you start it all over again.

until another life-experience event shatters your life and you do ANOTHER 180.

Ok, ok, I'll stop now!!

Ok, I'm done now.

2005-03-25T00:12:00.000-05:00

rowing in muskoka and im too freaked out to turn around (no skiing pics yet sorry)

the one person i would give my kidneys to. plus netted ponchos are the latest craze.

i have a big mouth

pic from dubai for old times' sake

Another dinner night thingymajic and I dont care that you can barely see me because you dont want to see me and my gear there

2005-03-24T23:59:00.000-05:00

That was a milk martini without the alki

2005-03-24T23:58:00.000-05:00

A night out with some girls

Happt St. Patty's Day!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!!!

2005-03-17T15:52:00.000-05:00

And for those who aren't into that.... (like me, I don't drink!! really!!) well, enjoy it anyways. Relive your youth!! Make up for it!! Live life!! Enjoy the SEVEN deadly sins anyways!!! (I *had* to put this up... it's like Christmas!! Plus SEVEN is the hottest club in the T dot right now, where I will be tonite babyeee!! Plus it goes great with the bling bling background!)

Wishful thinking

2005-03-16T21:27:00.000-05:00

I thought this was hilarious.... apologies to the non-Hindi speaking public.... I could translate, but the meaning would be lost! English post coming soon.

IDEAL WIFE

5' 6" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho,
Chehara jiska bright ho,
Umar 22 se 30 ho,
Aise apni Wife ho.
Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,
Bhid me sab kahe side ho, side ho,
America, Calcutta , Canada ya Jamshedpur paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho.
Padosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,
Dinner ke time candle light ho,
Ham me tum me kabhi na koi fight ho,
Milane ke baad dil delight ho,
Hey prabhu teri 'Amrita' meri life ho.
Yeh kavita padhne ke baad log kahe "yaar, tum right ho",
Aise apni Wife ho.
kaash yeh concept .0001 percent bhi right ho
agar aisi apni wife ho to kya hasin life ho
har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho
kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho
khudah ke software mein bhi bug ki gunjaish ho
ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho
aisi apni wife ho.

Random pissed-off bitch post

2005-03-13T02:36:00.000-05:00

You know what kind of people I hate?

Yes, ok, liars, you get 1 point and a pat in the back for that one. But there's another type of people I detest.

People who complain. People who have nothing better to do than whine, whine, whine. People who are literally crying out to feel pity for them. People who make you say "would you like some cheese with that wine?" shit. Bleagh.

Ok, I know sometimes we have one of those days where we are so frustrated that we just vent, let it out, blog about it. But I have come across people who repeatedly whine and complain about their miserable lives. Who seem to go thru the same problems day in, day out. And who don't get off their fat asses and do anything about it.

I will admit that I complain, I bitch. And when I bitch, I am not looking for solutions, because I sort of have an idea as to what is it that I messed up with. (even if I dont, I know I will get it in a few years time when it is too late haha!) But I try to learn from my mistakes/problems. Because that is all that you can do once you have encountered problems/issues. Youre supposed to get up and learn to accept and get over it, or realize that you can actually prevent it from happening to you again, and do something about it to ensure this. Yes, sometimes you can mope, because that is the healthy way of getting over crap in life. BUT if you repeatedly mope, repeatedly complain, repeatedly sit on that lard bucket of an ass and expect things to just work out magically without actually doing something about it, chances are.......they won't!

So what is my point? Well, this post is targeted to no one in particular in blogistan anyways, but to a few losers in the real world....So, to all the losers out there ......(yes ok, I'm being a bit harsh yeah ok...... but do you see me mope about it? No!)...If you have issues, get over it... Eventually. Life is shit, but life also goes on. Be a man. Be a woman. Take life into your own hands. If you can't do anything about your moping, please shut up for Pete's sakes. Don't whine to me about your miserable existence *continuously*. It is such a weiner thing to do. So unattractive and unappealing and a huge turn-off. And I don't like weiners.

I am such an angel, I know.

Desi Nashaa's Current Mood Status

2005-03-12T12:41:00.000-05:00

Reminiscing

2005-03-08T02:32:00.000-05:00

Some people are of the opinion that I'm not coming back to Dubai. Not true. If I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you. (I hope you get the joke, otherwise you need help).

Anyways, I will be coming back to Dubai. Sometime end of March. At least that's what I told my parents. We'll see how I feel here the week after St. Patty's.

Anyways, so to show my enthusiasm for all things Dubai, I thought I would show you that I still keep up with the beloved Dubai, via Ameinfo.com. Here's my take on stuff on what I think is important enough in Dubai.. and yes, may influence how I feel end of March. (yes, I know you didn't ask for this, but since when did you think I started considering about others? hmmm? haha, ok, I must stop being bitchy, soon soon).

Right, here we go: (click on title for link)

Dubai shuts down indecent TV

Television channels in the UAE and the region airing
indecent videos will be shut down by Dubai Police in a new five-year campaign,
reported Gulf News. TV broadcasters in Dubai Media City have also been warned
that they must follow the codes of guidance set up by free zone authorities. The
step was taken after a channel at DMC was sued for airing an indecent video
clip.

No more day-and-night nightmares of Koena's oily boobs in Musafir songs. Or Bips pelvis in every other vids. Mallika will be history. Stupid Sophiya and her stupid nekkid videos. Daler Mehndi's boring naked girl videos. If that doesn't one convince to come to Dubai, I don't know what will.

Dubai Studio City announced

Dubai Media City has announced Dubai Studio City for the film, TV and music
production industry. DSC will be built within the Dubailand complex and will
feature a broadcast centre with offices and post-production studios and a centre
for freelancers. It will also have a Production Studio Complex that will
accommodate pre-built studios, sound stages, workshops, backlots and stage
areas.

This goes back to my love-hate relationship that Dubai perpetuates with its habit to rename all major infrastructures and development projects with the word "CITY". See Oct 16 post here to see what I mean.

New rules for Dubai dentists

Dubai is to cut back on the red-tape surrounding the establishment of
dental practices in the emirate, healthcare officials told Gulf News. They said
that laws over licencing and ownership will be simplified to encourage the
private sector.

YAYYYY!!!!!! Considering the amount of respect I have for people who have amazing pearly whites, I applaud this highly!

No UAE healthcare privatization

Dubai Deputy Ruler and UAE Minister of Finance Sheikh Hamdan bin Rashid Al
Maktoum yesterday said that the UAE would not be privatizing its medical
services. He was speaking at the opening of the AEEDC dental trade show in
Dubai.

This is a good thing, so a votre sante Dubai!!!

Trump to video-link with Dubai

Donald Trump is to be the keynote speaker at the Entrepreneurs in Dubai
event which runs May 23-25 via video link. He is well known for his hit
reality TV show The Apprentice which is to have a Middle East version
starring Emaar Chairman Mohammed Ali Al Abbar and produced by LBC.

If it's good enough for the Donald, it's good enough for me!

City of Arabia, Dubailand

Ilyas and Mustafa Galadari Group has announced the multi-billion dollar City of Arabia project in the heart of the Dubailand theme park. It comprises four huge projects, the Mall of Arabia, Restless Planet, Wadi Walk and Elite Towers, linked by a monorail and waterways.

More of Wild Wadi stuff!

There. All good things said. NOW, I can come back without fear of deportation.

Hotness alert

2005-03-07T22:44:00.000-05:00

I went to the mall today (going to malls in Toronto is fun. I don't have to go around the mall for an hour to find a parking spot) and I saw this reallllly really hot guy with a really really hot girl, and the hot guy was so into his hot girlfriend that he totally missed me in my less than hot clothes.

Ha. He can't hide it, you know. I know he wants my babies.

(all posts will be in Canadian EST time zones now).

Re: pics

2005-03-06T18:23:00.000-05:00

Nah. I've changed my mind. Moment's passed.

2005-03-06T17:31:00.000-05:00

resort place.

Coming up

2005-03-06T17:30:00.000-05:00

Today is picture posting day.

Also I'm lazy.

So I'm going to post the things I did in BC, and my nights out (some). It's kinda sad when you go alllll the way to BC, and you end up doing the same things you do in Toronto!

How people stumble into my Dubai Blog... Part 2

2005-03-03T02:17:00.000-05:00

If you want to read Part 1 and know what I'm yapping about now, go here. (yes, its the last post. D'oh!)

Please be advised this is NOT a lambasting post against Dubai. It's a lambasting post against the desperados in Dubai.

These were some of this week's search results.

aishwariya rai david letterman (Yahoo) - our Ash is a very popular girl
mom son porn art desin (Yahoo) - sick.
old pics of dubai (Yahoo) - cute.
desi boobs (Yahoo) - tell me something I don't know.
pics of decent desi girls (Yahoo) - interesting twist here. DECENT girls are also in demand these days. what is this world coming to?!
desi boobs milk (Google) - somebody should bank on this idea. Maybe even patent it. I mean, milk from desi boobs...... what's next.... cow's milk?!!
porno from dubai (Yahoo) - porn is also very popular here.
desi fuck (Yahoo) - desi ishtyle.
sexy girls in dubai (Yahoo) - yes, where do you find them? Cuz I'd like to hire them for my cousin's bday party! (*ROLLING EYES*)
desi pics (Yahoo)
toronto desi (Yahoo) - c'est moi!
desi%2C pics (Yahoo)
dubai bitch (Yahoo) - S & M, anyone?
dubai call girls (Yahoo) - yes, last I heard, the Dubai Authorities were going to license these girls and give them their own fucking website (sarcasm, d'oh!). Whoever searched for this... can anyone say LOOOOOSER?!
dubai hot girls (Yahoo) - ditto. See above comment.
Dubai rig (Yahoo)
dubai sex pics (MSN) - freely available on MSN. Or so some people wish.

How some people stumble upon my Dubai blog

2005-03-03T02:10:00.000-05:00

... thought I'd dedicate a post to Dubai, considering that was how I had started out this Dubai blog thing.

ps. HELLO DUBAI!!!!! ME MISSING YOU!!!!

Anyways.

Re: How some people stumble upon my Dubai blog

These are some of the things that some people google/yahoo search for, and somehow they stumble into my site because some of the words match. Read and weep.....well, actually, some of them you have to screw your face in disgust.

Here we go: (top 20 David Letterman style)

20. dubai ladies phone no (Yahoo)..... Horny and desperate bloke in Dubai with a brilliant idea to search for tel nos in Yahoo

19. fuck my wife%2C dubai (Yahoo) ....... not a happy hubby

18. girlfriend in dubai (Yahoo).... I had no clue girlfriends were in such demand, esp via net

17. %22O%22 strangle desi (Yahoo)..... definitely talking about ME

16. japengo in uae (Google) ...yay, I'm upto par with TimeOut Dubai

15. ahlan masala.com (Yahoo)... figures, the source of my Bollywood insults

14. koena mitra boobs (Google).... I'm to blame here, I was making fun of Musafir and Koena's oil-slathered boobies

13. McDonalds in Dubai (Yahoo)... I'm upto par with Dubai Citylife Connector or something too

12. amisha%27s boobs (Google)... dumb wannabe blonde and her dumb boobs

11. -naturel calamity (Google)... I'm upto par with natural calamities too (see tsunami). Take that, BBC/CNN!

10. amrita arora boobs (Google)... what is it with these boobs searches?! (And no i didnt mention amrita's boobs!!)

9. porno from dubai (Yahoo).... oh man, ahahhahaha!!!!! somebody in Dubai is hoooooooooornyyyyyyyyy hahahhahahahhahahahahhahahaha

8. apprentice dubai (Yahoo)

7. tu cheez mast mast (Yahoo)

6. where to make fuck in dubai (Yahoo)...... despo despo despo written all over!!! good lord, I thought they did that kinda thing ANYWHERE though!!

5. deira indian beautiful girls (Google).... escort service, anyone? advertisers, take note, there is a strong demand for indian girls in deira. and not just any girls, no ugly girls pls, demand is for beautiful girls.

4. dubai bitch (Yahoo)...... guilty as charged!

3. dubai%2Bsex%2Bgirl (Yahoo).... some horny wanker with a spelling problem

2. aishwariya rai david letterman (Yahoo)... was Aish on Letterman? I know she was on 60 Minutes. See, my top 10 Letterman lists come in handy for something!

# 1 search term directed to my site:

1. desi boobs (Yahoo)..... ya, now thats a HOT combo... and not available on the Internet!

THE END. Fun, fun, fun!

Moral of the story: And they say there's no demand for sex in arab countries!!! Take that, you eunuch moralists!

P.S. This is a list of LAST WEEK's Search results. Tune in for THIS week's search results.

Meh

2005-03-03T02:01:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all of my blogger buddies for your concerns! I don't want to whine about my personal issues here (I figure I rant enough as it is here, haha, but I haven't drunk myself to death yet, so thank YOU! Btw, I don't really drink, but try stuffing yourself with cranberry juice till lips resemble ruby red diamonds)
Comments work now. WOO HOOO!!
Dedicate this template to St. Patty's Day on 17th March!! (plus Buttercup kicks ass plus yes Kevin, cash money bling bling reminder)
I've re-ordered the links, I've sorta used the lottery thing on this (dont ask how!), SO NOW everybody is included, but there is no favourtism involved!!!
My old employers in Toronto... yeah, they've offered me a mucho tempting job offer here... so now I'm in demand AND confused AND greedy (also template reminder)

Coming up soon.... posts.

Post vacation post

2005-02-28T18:11:00.000-05:00

Hello. Past 3 am Tuesday morning.

Weekend was fun.

You know you've reached a new low in blogosphere when your color co-ordinate your blog with your present color-conscious fashion preference.

Have reached new low of disillusionment with rest of world. Massive shots of alcohol, massive dosages of chocolate chip cookies, and shopped and shopped and shopped like a celebrity for clothes that I will probably never wear.

Changed template as some people are having difficulties with power puff girls.

Will change links order as soon as win lottery.

Links in comments and body of blog are officially FUCKED. And I have no clue how to fix it. Too tired to bother. Any comments, please save for later.

goodbye cruel world for now. I really dont want to talk about it, maybe later though

Um

2005-02-24T01:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm a big fan of the PowerPuff Girls. And Totally Spies. And the Cartoon Network. And anything that kicks butt. (I don't do Sailor Moon or Teletubbies though, that's just kiddie porn).

Plus did I mention that I've been working with Kindergarden kids for the little while that I'm here? Ok I didnt (its like a part-time thing and it pays *peanuts*), my cardio friend got me into it, but little kids are so damn cute esp when they are eating and sleeping and when they TALK, and most of the time all we do is discuss PowerPuff Girls or whatever and you can't help but get into it (plus the PowerPuff girls get to save the world BEFORE bedtime, and my desi parents would so approve of me coming home in time before bedtime).

Going away for the weekend for a bit (Cuz I like travelling, OK?! And Vancouver!! Oooh lovely above zero weather babyeeee!!!!!), wishing ALL an amaaaaaazing weekend!!

2005-02-21T23:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm back.. earlier than expected, dead dead dead tired... I have had like zero sleep all weekend, on skis on the days and clubbing at nights. Ya Nish, living it up a tad, but only for a bit! Will post pics when developed (no way was I gonna take my new digicam and ruin it like I did my old digi in Dubes in the sea!)

Vacation time!

2005-02-19T01:58:00.000-05:00

It's almost 2 am here (thats dubes time down in post) and I should be sleeping.

But I just came back from a night out of town, I got together with a few of my friends tonite and we have decided that we are going to MONT-TREMBLANT (in Quebec) for some skiing!!!!! A nice little vacation from my vacation!!!!

I go to the airport in a few hours, will be back in a week's time I think, so be good and have a great week!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm SO EXCITED I CAN'T SLEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things that piss off Desi Nashaa (speaking in the 3rd person, for one)

2005-02-18T02:13:00.000-05:00

(this post is a little long, like the MOTHER OF ALL POSTS, so go get your bathroom break or something first. yes, i'm such a lady!)

Since I've returned to Toronto, I've been going to the gym quite frequently.

This is where I will say a little advertising schpiel about my beloved gym:

I love my gym. It's the biggest gym I've ever been to. It's like a freakin stadium. In fact, it makes the Olympics look like Weinerville. If you've seen "I Robot" and you saw all those robots lined up in that robot warehouse thing, you can easily imagine how my gym looks like.

-It's HUGE, and there are about a gadzillion people in the gym working out like well-oiled machines, so it's a great incentive to work out.
-I hate doing cardio for more than 10 mins at a time, but I'm focusing on cross-training now, so my personal trainer is shifting me between weights and cardio and I am absolutely loving it.
-I look hot when I am sweaty.
-I can't wait to get that J-Lo bod and perky boobs.

Well, anyways ( i say too much of well and anyways ). What is my point. Oh yes, my point is, one of these days I will show you pics of my gym, and my gym is my haven to let off steam, so I love my gym and I had to dedicate a post to my beloved gym and if any of you tell me that I need to stop yapping about my gym, I will smack you in the head.

Anyways, to get back to my original subject, What pisses Desi Nashaa off. Especially lately.

My parents have been pestering me to settle down. Like find a husband, get married, and all that jazz. So I said ok.

So because of this, I dunno if you know, (well, you don't), but since like Feb, I signed up to be member of Shaadi, and this time a serious profile at that, not some "lets shoot the shit" crap profile.

Of course I'm a hit with that profile. I mean, jesus murphy, you should see my frickin stats on that profile (the number of views, contacted ME, and reject list too!!!), and if you saw my pics, you would wet your pants I look THAT HAWTTTTT. Sheesh, I'm modest arent I?! In fact, my profile was such a big hit that shaadi.com even featured me as one of their effin hot members.

Well anyways to cut a long story short:

So I finally decided to actually meet one prospective prospect. I talked to him on the phone first, and he sounded very pleasant (ie no accents, wheeeeeeee!!!!!!). ALSO, he had manners (so he wouldn't really pick his nose in public), and he seemed to speak my language. BIG PLUS. His pics looked decent too: he had ALL his teeth, hair, and he wasn't fat. (sheesh, I have such low standards eh!).

Anyways, so after a few brief chats, (cuz I hate talking on the phone), we decided to hook up. And so we did.

Now, I won't lie to you. I have met a lot of people from online. So I am always wary when I meet onliners cuz:

1) No one ever looks like their pics
2) Shaadi usually makes a black person look like a freakin albino.
3) most people turn out fat in real life for some reason cuz they put pics that are 100 hundred years old and when they had necks.
4) People always turn up shorter than they claim.
5) Clothes are very important to me. Doesn't have to be brand names, I mean, as long as you show you have *some* sense of clothes that make you look like a man. (I'm sorry, I like my men to look like theyre not living off the Salvation Army)

Anyways, this guy that I met....what shall we call him..... how about Wanna-be.... yes, wannabe, you will learn soon enough.

I met Wanna-be, and when I saw him at the Second Cup, this is what went thru Desi Nashaa's head:

-He's a little thinner than his profile pics. So while he is not fat, he doesn't really look like his pics cuz he is now skinny. (Did I say anything out loud to him about this? NO)
-He is a little darker than his profile pics (refer to albino comment above)(Did I say anything out loud to him about this? NO)
-He is better looking in pics than real life.(Did I say anything out loud to him about this? NO)
-He was wearing a *checked* shirt (hello, my name is redneck, and I will milk your cows today), khaki pants (AFTER labour day, and not even boot-cut cargo style!), a corduroy jacket ( in -6C weather!), and shiny brown mahogany loafers (nuff said, let me run into a skewer now!)

Anyways. I was a good girl. I bit my tongue, sipped my apple cider, and didn't say anything mean or smart-assy. (I am thinking about my parents and how they want a son-in-law, so I bit my tongue. My dad also told me this one important thing: that I should never reject a guy because of silly shallow things because one day it might just come back to me)

We have a nice pleasant chat. About stuff. I am starting to look past all the bitchy stuff I am thinking about pics and clothes. I am starting to think that maybe this guy ain't so bad after all cuz he seems to know his arts cuz he likes to oil-paint (Wanna-be artist... he's told me his website of paints, and I know artists, and I think emulating artists is not quite the same thing as being a creative artist yourself...so he's a wanna-be artist). His taste of music is original (TRIP-HOP??? Sounds like a line dance on constipation?!). He is a gentleman too, so yeah, his eyes didn't hover to my boobies. BIG PLUS. He inquires about my parents health (wedding bells!). He doesn't freak out when I spill my apple cider, as it is customary for me to spill food and drinks when I am out in public. I like guys that don't freak out or yell at me, especially when I have spilled some food or drink.

Wanna-be is by now enjoying himself and there is an air of comfort around us because Wanna-be is eating his coffee cake like there is no tomorrow AND talking at the same time (Wanna-be likes to eat, for a scrawny guy). And then Wanna-be starts being frank with me. Cuz that is how Wanna-be is, he is a frank person, who likes to say it like it is, but POLITELY. So Wanna-be tells me something, politely:

"I really like everything that I see and hear about you. But don't take this the wrong way, I think I would just have some issue about your height".

HOLY FUCKIN FUCK.

Btw, I am short. Like 5 fuckin feet. I am, literally, 5 feet nothing. My mother's height. But while I hated being so short growing up, I am all grown up now, and now I actually like it. I'm petite, but I'm superhot haha and when I wear my sexy stilettos, I am a man-magnet (sooooooooo bloody modest!). I've always dated guys 5'8 and up, and the 6 footers I have dated LOVED me cuz they could pick me up and put me in their pockets.

Now, let me tell you how tall Wanna-be is.

5'6.

So this is what went thru my head then: THE FUCKING POT CALLING THE FUCKING KETTLE BLACK. (if you don't know what this means, stop reading, and go find a tsunami to drown yourself in).

And then Mr. Wanna-be dick tells me, "But with my shoes, I'm 5'8".

I could've told him then how tall I would be my 6 inch heels, and where I could have stuffed my 6 inch heels, but I shut up. Because I remembered what my dad told me. So I shut up.

So I didn't tell him about how I am disappointed by:

-his lack of fashion sense
-his physique/stature/looks/shut-up-while-I-eat-my-coffee-cake
-HIS height and how I had basically lowered my standards there
-my belief that if you're gonna be frank, be frank, but if you are midget yourself and have problems with midgets, then maybe you should SAVE THAT TILL AFTER YOU HAVE SCORED.

I stay pleasant throughout the night. And when we leave, I say goodbye to him, and he comes up to me and hugs me, and I KNOW if I let him, he would've kissed me. Right. Like, call me short, expect that to be AN ISSUE, and expect me to kiss you. Why don't you just take a hot-rod poker that's been slathered in tabasco and stuff it up my ass. I didn't kiss him, of course.

If you think I am exaggerating, this is what Wanna-be told me before we left. "I don't think the height thing would be too much of an issue". How reassuring.

You would think this is the end of the story. NO. It gets better. This is when I get *really* pissed off.

He calls me the next day, and of course I am in my beloved gym.

So then my dad had picked up the phone, and my dad, being my dad, tells me to come home. I am the loving daughter, so I come home, only to be told said twit had called, and I should call him back ASAP since my dad had promised him that I would. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH. My dad also tells me that since they are leaving Toronto for Dubai in the next few days, it would actually not be a bad idea if they met Wanna-be twit, since he is from our country and all. (It's quite normal for Asian societies to invite people over ASAP if suitable marriage prospect). DOUBLE UGH!!! Of course he wasnt suitable dad, he thinks I'm short!! HE's the one who should be chasing ME!! Whatever happened to playing hard-to-get, Dad?!

I huff and puff, but the house doesn't fall down, and so I call him back. And Wanna-be reject agrees to come over and meet the family.

THIS IS WHY I HAVE BEEN PISSED: Wanna-be has it too easy. He must think he's stuck a goldmine here where HE is being chased, when in fact I cannot stand him.

GAWDDDDDDDDDD.

So he comes over, and my family is nice and pleasant (grilling time!), and I don't make an effort, my hair is all big and poofy and I don't care (I figure my poofy hair is going to add 10 inches to my height anyways hahahhahahahahhahaha), and when we give him some food, the guy ATE EVERYTHING.

And when we had dinner, he ATE EVERYTHING. (I'm telling you, he is scrawny. And hungry).

I make an effort to be nice, and I am. But I'm sorry, he is marked for death in my books. No one calls me short and expects me to lick his shoes at the same time.

Wanna-be leaves finally, and there is a sense of accomplishment among our family members. It'[s as if Columbus had discovered America or something. I give my family dagger-looks, but they look me with such fondness. DARN. I cant help it, I love my freaking family. My parents are happy I bought a guy over. They are not too keen on the fella themselves, although they think he is very nice, which I must admit he is, but they have left the entire decision-making process to me. See, I love my family.

BUT. Wanna-be is 5'6 and he thinks I'M THE ONE WITH THE ISSUE?!

Wanna-be called me today, and again, I was at my gym. I didn't call him back. He emailed me.He wanted to know if I could email him my pics so he could show them to his mom.

Oh dear.

And so begins the long-but-painful process of dumping.

Current stats on Desi Nashaa

2005-02-17T18:53:00.000-05:00

Comic strip copyright www.angrylittlegirls.com

MEAN MOOD rant

2005-02-15T14:23:00.000-05:00

In bitchy mood for next few days.

and no, its NOT PMS. Twirp.

Meeting prospective morons.

Talk to me at your own peril. I will not be censoring myself.

2005-02-15T14:15:00.000-05:00

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE the music here. Anybody who thinks I'm bullshitting about the sentimentality of the musicness of this movie...esp theme song.. (oh gawd, my english, il s'est fut!!!)... go away!

Ultimate shallow Valley-girl post

2005-02-14T22:28:00.000-05:00

Would you want to chat with someone whose nickname was.... *stifling a roll of the eyes*..... whose nickname was "Holy Chimichanga"?!! I mean, a 30 something dude that I know now has that in his msn profile thing....

I'm sorry, but how gay is that?!!!!!!!!!!!

Vent! Or Rejoice!

2005-02-14T15:24:00.000-05:00

How was Valentines?
How was Valentines?

Awesome!! ( I got some! Flowers, u perv, not action!)
Miserable!! ( What are YOU lookin at?!)

view results

WOOT WOOT!!!!!!!!!!

2005-02-12T01:49:00.000-05:00

It's Valentine's Weekend, boys and girls, what are you doing?!!!!!!!!

BTW, I hate Valentine's, I've always hated Valentines, and will continue to detest Valentines for the rest of my life!!! Being the eternal optimist (yeah aint that obvious!) AND ROMANTIC that I am (really!!) I think it's unfortunate that you need a special day to tell the person you are with how much you love them!! (be it your mom, your lover, your hubby/wife, your toad etc... You should be able to tell the person you love how much you love them *at least once a month*!!)

AAAAAAAAAAAAANYWAYSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM IN A PAR-TAY MOOD!!!!

This Valentine's, I'm not doing...NO buying anyone any gifts, I'm not going to buy lovey-dovey picture frames and give it to weirdos, no Lindt chocos, no red pillows, no satiny lingerie, no stuffed teddies, no fancy candle-light dinners, no staying home and watching sappy chick flicks.

I've decided this year Valentines will be representin (! oh gawd, me and ghetto speak!) what I, as a person, LOVE to do.

(Dammit, I figure I should make good of a bad situation here!)

I'm going out every night from now till Valentines (dinner at Baton Rouge and and dancin last night at "My Apartment" and "Shmooze"! hot blokies drooooool!!!), saying hello to everyone who I meet, smother my parents and cat with kisses, going bellydancing, going ice-skating at the Harbourfront, do the whole serendipidity thing, doing the three D's (dinner, dining, dating.. less dicks) shop shop shop for accessories AND wear all of them with all my fancy clothes, and enjoying every night till Valentine's like it's my last breath.

Oh god, I sound like Shah Rukh from Kal Ho Naa Ho.

Regardless, I hope you all have a great weekend yada yada yada and LIVE A LITTLE and despite the shmuckiness of what Valentines represents, have a great time telling your loved ones how you will love them till the end of your lives etc!

Right now I'll leave you with a few pics of the cutestttttttttt boy in the world!!!

I know no stuffed animals for Valentines, but check out my new pink puppy gift there!!

OMG, lookit that face!!!!

(yeah, I'm gonna be one of those old ladies who live with a 100 million cats by the time I'm 80!!)

"Tu cheez badi hai mast mast!"

2005-02-10T17:24:00.000-05:00

Must be grateful for channel B4U for its existence, and for being a constant source of entertainment in our household, esp when Dad's friends come over and you see the twinkle in their eyes when such ghana bajana is played. VERY LOUDLY.

Cuz we like things loud, ok?

And rambunctious. (I like that word. I could say it all day. RAMBUnCTIOUS. RAUCOUS. RAMPAGE. But nothing beats rambunctious.)

oops

2005-02-10T08:57:00.000-05:00

.. i made a boo boo.. i just deleted an entire post. cwap.

this is what happens when you let your conscience do the talking.

When is it ok to offend someone?

2005-02-09T16:01:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's late, I've just had a workout, nice warm bath after, and I *still* can't sleep.

And I haven't even had chocolate, so this is weird.

Anyways.

Some tiny weeeny little incident sorta happened today that was obviously meant to be taken in jest/with humour. But like, I'm having PMS or something this week, or maybe it is because I'm an old fart who can't take jokes, so I failed to see the humour in this little incident.

I won't tell you what incident it was since I will be here ALLLLLL night if I do, but I will give you a variation of it.

(And no A M R it's not you)

This dude, friend of mine, asked me how cold Toronto was. And I went, "not bad, but I'm used to it now. But I could get a cold with all this cold and now its snowing too."

So this guy....... let's call him... I dunno.... let's call him "dickweed" for simplicity's sake.

So dickweed went, "oh, you better watch it, esp the chinks, stay away from the chinese."

And I went, "what?"

That's so pathetic, considering this whole SARS thing was like a couple of years ago.

And dickweed went, "no, no, its a variant thing, of this bird flu. It's struck the UK. But you never know with these chinese people anyways, so watch it."

Me and my love for Brits resurfaced.

So I went, well, maybe it's time the Brits got some disease like that to get them off their high horses.

And of course dick went,"yes and toronto is next".

Now, I didn't know what to say. Racism, D'OH. I won't play innocent, been there, done that, I can play dirty jokes like that too. Desi jokes and Dave Chappellis are great source of entertainment for me. So like a young whippersnapper, I told him it's pretty crude of him to say something like this, and he should get his facts straight before he started to:
a) stereotype all Orientals as Chinese
b) stereotype all Chinese as carriers of bird diseases

Did I mention that we had our Chinese friend on a 3 way conference chat (we're all pallies the 3 of us... sorta like Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle or something) while this chat was going on? I'm glad it was chat so I couldn't see her face because while she did that LOL thing for a bit, she went pretty quiet soon.

And his response? He just laughed.

Because for Pete's sakes, he was just joking. And when you're insulting someone in a joking manner, it's ok to laugh. Is it?

HARDY-HAR-HAR. That was sooooooooooo funny that I forgot to laugh!

Am I wrong? Maybe it's the political correctness of Canadianness in me talking, but what's wrong with having a little respect for people sometimes? I mean, if you're going to laugh at them, laugh behind their back, not at their faces!

What if some nitwit told this dickweed, "oh you better watch it with these Indians, their curry smell and accent might be contagious!" (dickweed was an Indian)

I'm getting too old for this. If some ass insulted me, you can be damn sure I will insult him back. It's only Vulcan logic! Why make life more complicated as it is? Isn't it shittier just as it is?

It's not ok to offend people. But we do it anyways. I mean, it's funny to, esp in this day and age, and oh yeah, I'm the first person to admit I make fun of people 24-7, and yeah will probably continue to do so until a piano drops on my head. But 9 out of 10 people, if asked "is it ok to offend someone?" will say "no". But if you ask the same people "WHEN is it ok to offend someone?" you might get that 10th person to think twice about his previous response.

I'm sorry AMR, I guess this is why something so trivial of yours, obviously a joke, touched a nerve, even though this has NOTHING to do with what you said. So I hope you understand and we patch things up....and not just say ok for the sake of it.

Quickie horoscope for me today

2005-02-08T17:24:00.000-05:00

"An intellectual connection could be the spark that fuels a new romance."

Ohboyohboyohboyohboy.

Gee, is that what it takes these days for love to bloom?!!!! I HAD NO CLUE!!!!!

All those meatheads in the gym are just not going to do!! DARN!

I miss Mithun Da!!!!!!

2005-02-05T23:43:00.000-05:00

...yes, I KNOW that made noooooooooo sense whatsoever. TO ANY LIVING BEING.

But I have been persuaded by someone (stop pointing that gun already and loosen the damn gag, Da!) that somehow I had conveniently missed out on that about my "things i miss ABOUT dubai".

15 Things I Miss About Dubai

2005-02-05T00:48:00.000-05:00

Yes, hell has frozen over, and pigs are flying.

I never thought I'd say this, while freezing my ass off in Toronto, but it is past midnight now, and I have just had a realization.

I am missing Dubes.

Of course Toronto's weather has nothing to do with this.

Don't get me wrong... I've had a great few days living la dolce vita.

For eg. last night, I had a blast with a friend of mine who happens to be a music producer. We went to this live jazz bar, and it was simply amazing... I dunno a lot of jazz, but there was this great rendition of a song of the singer trying to get lucky with a woman, but using food examples as sexual innuendos! (TRY lyrics that go: I want to taste your pudding!!)

Aaaaaaaaanyways, so guess who my music producer buddy comes across..... SNOW!!! NO, NOT snow as in snowflakes!! But that guy who sang that Informer song a gadzillion years ago!!!!!

Snow introduced himself as Darren, and of course I said it was very nice meeting you.

I wasn't told until we left the jazz bar who Darren really was!!!!!! OH how I had wished I took my friggin digicam to a jazz bar!!!!!! (stop rolling your eyes, isn't that what everyone does these days anyway?!)

Tonite, I went to a comedy show for Tsunami relief, and it was unbelievable... sure there was no Chris Rock/Tucker/funny loud black comedians, but there were some crazy top-notch comedians, and I guess nothing beats live show.

So it's been really cool to go out and do whatever the hell I want!

But I have to say, having lived in Dubai, for a spindly 6 months, I am missing it. You can laugh at the irony, haha, but I do!!!!!!

I mostly miss:

15. Driving like a mad-woman. (Did I not tell you how I became one of Dubai's crazy road monkey?!)

14. Having someone else pump gas for me. (In a gas station. GAS for the car, you perv!!!)

13. Comparatively scarce advertising on billboards/supermarkets/buildings/street lamps/your grandmother's forehead

12. No one barking at me (*GRUNT* *WHA?!* EH WHA) when I dial the wrong number.

11. SHAWARMAS!!!!!!! (slurp slurp drool drool!!!)

10. People cleaning the house for 40 Dhs. (Cleaning my own room is *SUCH* a chore!!!!)

9. No live cows/goats/sheep/livestock at the back of a pick-up truck or passenger seat.

8. No one honking me during the millisecond interval when the traffic light turns from red to green.

7. No one flashing headlights while driving every 2 seconds.

6. Every second car is NOT a Lexus/BMW/Mercedes.

5. There are no Pathans holding hands in public (replaced by teenagers sucking face in public)

4. Roundabouts! (YESSSSSSSS, I MISS THEM!!)

3. Have to *use* a watch to tell time instead of Azan/prayer calls.

2. Wearing open-toed shoes all year round.

Drumroll for numero uno....

1. Being proposed for marriage/kisses by cabbies!! Goddamit that was the MOST fun!!!

BUT.

I don't think I will be REALLLLLLLY missing Dubai for real, like heartbreaking-aching-strong-pain-for-George-Clooney-kinda-feeling, until I atually start to miss Dubai's shopping malls!!!!

Should the day come, when I start missing shopping malls.... somebody please hold a very sharp object, and I will very gladly run into it.

Space Shuttle Bed for Valentine's

2005-02-02T00:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, boys and girls. Valentine's is a whopping 12 days away, and I know I don't have a boyfriend or anything, but it doesn't hurt getting gifts regardless!

Err, no, I guess I don't do diamonds, they're much toooo boring!

At any rate, I think this is the coolest romantic thing anyone can ever gift their loved ones. Just a suggestion to all the couples out there.

I mean, look at this BABY! A whoppin SPACE SHUTTLE BED!!!!!

And they even freight collect FED-EX this thing! GOD BLESS FED-EX cuz if that doesnt convince you to buy it, I dunno what will!!!

Two twin size mattresses (one on top, the other inside the shuttle!), so lots of room! I dunno what exactly these dimensions are, (Dimensions: 115" wide x 55" deep x 61" high) but I'm pretty small, so I think I can squeeze in!

We have liftoff, Houston!

Lull after a storm. And Little man incident.

2005-02-01T18:32:00.000-05:00

Somebody just told me to *calm down* (re: Rude-ass bashing Brits post).

Err, calm? Of course, I'm calm! (And yes, can you please loosen the straitjacket pls?) Aaaanywho, that's me on a good day!

That somebody also told me that there's no point wasting all that negative energy and emotions when I could be directing that energy to something more useful. Like a punch-bag. Or someone else. Like Brits! (oops, ok, down with that tranquilizer, I'll stop!)

Aannnnnnyways, que sera sera. Live and let live and all that razzmajazz.

Guess what happened the other night? The other night, when we went to Tangerine (yes, there's a Tangerine in Toronto!!!) for Bombay Martini, we had gone to some other club before that. And the line ups were huge in this other place. And the bouncer was being a prick. But we waited an hour to get in. In the freezing cold. And then when he lets us in, he was only going to let a few of us, while the others would have to wait outside. Of couese one of my friends stood up, and asked to let all of us in.

Bouncer guy got on a power trip. Said no.

So my friend called him A LITTLE MAN. He was a lousy little man to not let us in.

Oh boy!!!

Giggles and giggles by all the girls! Of course we left, and the bouncer was pissed.

Who likes being left out in the cold? Not us girls.

Who likes being called A LITTLE MAN? Not big bad bouncer guy!

I think it's cute. I mean, hello, little man!! Ok, *some* of you might dispute. But he WAS being a dickweed.

PS.

2005-01-31T21:19:00.000-05:00

I will also be putting a link thing up in due process. You know like who are your fellow bloggers buddy that kinda thing. This new template thingiemajic lets me have links, while the others didn't.

So if I sort of like end up missing a link or two, pls send me a love letter/hate mail and I will put it up then.

Um...hello.

2005-01-31T20:48:00.000-05:00

I haven't been very good at this blog thing, so I thought I'd post something about..well, things I guess.

So yes, I'm finally in my beloved Toronto, freezing my butt off. Wheee. Just what I always wanted when I was in sunny Dubai.

Don't be silly, those are tears of joy you're seeing, not frozen icicle tears.

What have I been upto... well, catching up with old friends. Some old, some new, and of course, my beloved BrownGirls in Toronto as well.

Friday night, we went to this event called Bombay Martini Night. OMG. It's like I had never left Dubai. A lot of delicious men men men AND an ass-grope here, a squeeze there, a tight slap there!!! It was crazy, all FIFTEEN (15) BrownGirlsInToronto group..... add some booze, brown guys, fusion of Indian/hip hop mix and it was wiiiiiild. Drunks as skunks. Gawd. I missed being an idiot.

And you know what the best part of the night was?!

I didn't get proposed by the cabbies!!!!!! WOO-FUCKIN-HOOOOO!!!!!!

Actually, I'm kidding... I miss not getting proposed by cabbies. It always made me feel so.... how do you say.... needed!

I've also been going to the gym that I had joined way back in March 2004, and which didn't open until July 2004, which is when I had come to Dubai!! WHEEE!! So I have been paying thru my nose for a gym here in Toronto which I had only started to frequent NOW. (Noooooooooo babes, I couldn't cancel the membership....... if you've ever been a member of a gym in North America, you would know cancelling a gym membership is harder than giving birth).

I've met all the unclejis and auntijis who are still wondering why:

1) I am not married yet.
2) What happened to my work venture.
3) what happened to my hair (btw, i chopped off my tresses the day I got here...... well, actually, that hairdresser woman did, and she did SUCH a bad job at it that my mom says my hair looks like a rat's tail now. Just like mom to give me that tingly good-feel boost).

I've gone ice-skating, and done a couple hours worth of skiing. :) I am MUCHO happy I got some winter stuff done!

My bros are bitchin why I havent shovelled any of the snow yet. AS IF!!!! hahhahaa

As for work venture, well, I shall not bore you with it. It's going ok, and keeps me busy in the mornings.

I'm also taking some salsa classes and some gourmet foodie classes. SLURP SLURP DROOL DROOL.

I've been reading Da Vinci code (well, since the plane ride thing) and I have yet to finish it. "Suitable Boy" will be next.... going 1 year strong!

I don't have any pics.... I refuse to show Bombay Martini night pics cuz I look like *MURDER* in those pics, but I will have some soon enough!

Alors, c'est tout maintenant, et ciao mes petits bonbons!!!

The Apprentice In Dubai

2005-01-27T20:23:00.000-05:00

I'm not joking!!! Really!! look at this

(although i'm sure all of dubai have seen this)

...... I'm speechless..................

I'm also concerned.

Not about the poor "Apprentices".. nope.

Don't get me wrong, I love the Donald..... i mean he represents everything i'd look for in a *powerful man*

But like, is there anyone out there in the Middle East who can match "the Donald's" hair?

The Donald (Photo credit: Globe Photos)

As quoted in outrageous hairstyles:

The look: More complicated than an ear-to-ear comb-over, the fuzzy orange nimbus defies gravity with bangs that actually surf upward.
Explanation: “I like it. Nobody else does, but I do.”
Who’s responsible? “My girlfriend (now wife) cuts it for me. Not because she agrees with me, but because she listens to me. She says, ‘Whatever makes you happy.’ ”

If you liked the Matrix trilogy...

2005-01-26T23:14:00.000-05:00

.... you will love this re-enaction by Matrix nerds at Clemson univ (some school in the States).

-press PLAY, watch out for the guys in black suits (doh!), watch ALL of it, and you better have a good connection. It's hilarious!!!

(yes, I've been surfing A LOT of websites, is it that obvious?!)

Write your name in the snow.

2005-01-26T22:58:00.000-05:00

I know Dubai has yet to see snow, (well, Ras-Al-Khaimah at least beat you to it)... but in the spirit of ..err, January, and all that the month brings (i.e. snow) to the Western hemisphere, I thought I would enlighten the "I-can't-wait-to-see-snow!!!" wannabe's of the world what it's like to *immerse* yourself in some snow-related activities, e.g. art.

Fun stuff to do with snow.

Hahahahhahaa!!

Yes, ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!

EXTREMELY rude RUDE-ASS post. Be advised.

2005-01-24T21:54:00.000-05:00

How the fuck do British Asians/desis work?

Why are their brains made of marmite?

I dont bloody get them. They are a fuckin mystery wrapped in an enigma, obsessed in their own empty little voids.

In the past 7 months, the number of British Asians that I have met far exceed the amount of zit spots that can be found on a healthy pubescent teenager with a McDonalds loyalty program. And 75% of them (7 out of 10 adults, and one kid) are dipwads.

They are WAY TOO DIRECT. THEIR SENSE OF HUMOUR IS PAIFULLY BRUTISHLY uncharateristically sarcastic. They are bitchy even on a good day. They would sell their grandmothers for a tic tac. They are extremely cheap, and as a good friend of mine once said (you know who you are), they are all rejects from their country because why would anyone want to leave a country that gives them an advantage to the the rest of the world for an exchange ratio of 6.7 sterling to 1 DH to come to the UAE (well, the weather is a factor too cuz UK weather is gloomier than the Addams' family morgue).

They never say what they mean, and they are so cheap. GAWD. EVEN the labourers building the Palm Island take more frequent showers than the smelly wankers.

Now, you dear readers might say, oh, youre stereotyping a group of people who are probably no different than say the Finns.

Well, let me tell you my response to that.

I DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK!

I have yet to meet a British desi/South Asian/Indian/Paki/Bengali/Sri Lankan/poodle/PERSON who will not be out to screw you over. Be advised, that if they are trying to screw you over/or have, they will do so in a most genial/congenial way......so much so that you will appreciate being screwed over at first what with all the fake thank you's that they spew out.

What is it with the british asian guys that make them think their penis is bigger and better than the rest of the world?

Why do they think them being direct is supposed to be all macho and make a girl wet her pants?

Why are they so obsessed with LIPS? Considering they don't have any.

And they are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay way way way waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy too horny for their own good. They would do anything on two legs.

Why do they think asshole and romantic are synonyms?

The Welsh/Gaelic/Aussies/New Zealanders... I have no problems with. Very nice people. They realize there's a whole world of... I dunno, people as good as them out there. In fact, they are relative angels.

BUT Brits?

Why do they have to be so fucking snooty? If you're an American superpower who think bombing poor countries will fix all your problems, yes, you can be snooty.

But if youre a country (eg UK) who have plundered and pillaged countries for at least a century, now a country that can be labelled as a racist because it has its own racist politcal party (the BNP) whose main goals are to stop immigrants from "ravaging Britain" and now are appropriately characterized as a nation with extremely bad teeth and a country that cannot even produce a home-grown Wimbledon champ (unless you're a producer who has to resort to making a film with a British Wimbledon champ as make-believe (SEE WIMBLEDON FILM - another British BUCKWAAS)... well, what in the name of FUCK do the British Asian dickweeds have to be proud of??????

Pea-brains. Characterized by attitude. About being the fartiest nation in the world.

Why are British desis absolutely young, dumb and full of cum? (yes, I DO realize it rhymes..)?

Nothing. Absolutely FUCK SHIT to be proud of!!

Ps. any hate-mailers...go ahead, make my day, a few tight slaps and a bitchfuckrant will probably get you going anyways

Ok.

I need to lie down.

2005-01-23T21:59:00.000-05:00

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT CLICK THIS.

WHAT?

YOU DID?!! YOU COULDN"T RESIST, COULD YOU, YOU WEAKLING?!

AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHA

OH GAWD, WASN'T THAT SOMETHING?!

2005-01-22T16:45:00.000-05:00

I just HAD to post this. This is my cat. I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW BIG AND FAT MY LITTLE BABY HAS BECOME IN 6 MONTHS!!!!!! He's not even a baby anymore. He looks like a friggin medical receptionist waiting for patients to drop in! hahahhahaahhahahahhahahahha!!!!! With laser-like blow-torch eyes!!!! LMAO

Back from the dead... or not.

2005-01-22T07:26:00.000-05:00

Hello readers!

Some of you may have noticed that, well, I had disappeared.

Good observation, ho hum!

At first I thought it was writer's blok. You know, you think you can't blog when you don't have anything interesting to say. Considering I'm living the life of a socialite, I would have to say that's the way it goes.

But then I realized that I always let my big mouth fly, and whether I had anything interesting to say or not was not really a factor for me to blog. Also, the narcissism in me just liked to blog to let the world know that well, I existed, and I had something to say. Interesting or not.

Also, this blog was getting.....how shall I say it.... a little too clean for me. I found that I had to censor many things here. That's what happens when you start taking into consideration other people's feelings as well. Which is a crying shame, cuz a blog is supposed to be an uncensored porno mag. Or something like it.

Did I mention that this whole new year thing has made a new woman out of me? (no you perv, not in a virginal sex sense!). I mean, something struck me I guess. Life's too short to hate, to hold grudges, to let the past control your future.

I was flying over the Atlantic the other day (we'll get to that shortly why), and I glimpsed down the Ocean. And the damn thing was frozen. I wasn't at first sure if those were clouds or blocks of snow. It was the Ocean frozen. I remember thinking at that moment, gosh, if this plane was going to crash and sink and burn, I'd probably freeze on my way down. And I was in such a daze about the totality and finality of life, and so much at peace, I thought, hmm. Ok, no great harm done if it sinks.

You must think I've gone loopy. I probably have. Oh well!

So for those that have not yet deleted my blog from their bookmarks, I would like to say HELLO!!! WAAAASSSSSUPPPPP DAWGGGG!!!! I'm missing Dubai! I got quite bored after coming back from my wedding hols, stopped at the States for a bit, and now checking out Toronto. Yes, you thought right, I've gone mad. I've left sunny Dubai (20-25C)for a bit to check out igloo-esque Toronto (-3 to -25C) weather. Please don't ask me why, I know I'm mad to do so, but I also have a few work projects in hand. Also, I just needed a break from...well, my break.

This is when you start pitying me! (dont be rolling your eyes!)

I'll post a few pics for now, cuz I want to see how Hello/Picasa is doing.

Plus I went to the Global Village before I left, so here are some of my faves...

In front of the Palestinian Pavilion! See, "A" you have to go and check it out, but good luck on the Parking!

I can't remember which country had err, this store, but I'm sure they made booming business.

The Canadian Pavilion. It was sooooooooo bad, they had nothing there! I'm so miffed!

The Indian Pavilion. It was the size of White House. Either that, or you get the picture that I'm a dwarf.

In front of the Pakistani Pavilion. You can see one of my contacts have moved. HAHAHA!

Ok, that was Dubai.

E.g.

Gorgeous. Absolutely breath-taking view of the sea and the marina. I like waking up to this view every morning in Dubai. The Gulf hasn't even frozen, not like the Atlantic.

On the other hand, where I am now..

This is outside my house in Toronto. BRRRR!!!!! Roads, whar roads?!

Haha. Am I complaining? NOOOOOOOO.

This New Year, thanks to a few of my friends, I have realized that the importance of "when in Rome, do as the Romans do". So I would be lying to you if I told you that I am not missing the sun in Dubai, I am. But am I going to bawl my eyes out, thanks to this snow? No. (well, maybe a little). BUT I'm going skiing soon and catching up with old friends!!!!!!!!!!! The winter's a bitch here, and I wish I was a beach bum now. But someone smart told me the other day, life's a bitch, screw it, or life's shit, flush it.

I FEEL SOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER!

I dunno if I would like to keep blogging here. Time will tell, I guess. Like I said, the other blog is way much more.... alive. But for those that have listened to me, or read my stuff here, thanks for your patronship.

See you on the wild side!

Dizzie_star

2005-01-09T12:36:00.000-05:00

Everbody say hello to my newest latest member of desinashaa's blogland...

DIZZIE_STAR!!!!!!!!

She will be posting, so this blog will become a little more exciting than its normal frumpy self!!

Can u believe she is hotter than me?!

No i dont believe that either! hahhhahahahhahahhahahahahhahaha

Wedding post

2005-01-07T00:47:00.000-05:00

This post is dedicated to my good friend Nish :)

As you all know, I've just come back from a huuuuuge wedding in Bongland. Well, maybe it wasn't that huge... I was a tad disappointed cuz my bro's wedding 2 years ago was absolutely massive.... a whole 7 day fiesta with all of Chittagong invited, and people invited at least 8 months ahead, so all our friends and relatives from across the globe could make it. This recent wedding was relatively small, mostly because the people who were invited were not given advance notice and was thus a small fan-fare... which I am a tad upset about cuz that means a considerably smaller number of people got to check out my jewellery from Meena Bazar and my glam-glam sarees/saris!!!!

DAMNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

Other than that,the wedding was pretty cool...
-I was dead bored after the wedding,
-I'd finish reading 1000 pages of a 1476 pg novel (Vikram Seth's "A Suitable Boy" yeah I know, how pathetic and how appropriate!),
-woke up every day with mosquito bites,
-didn't have to wash the dishes,
-didn't have to cook food,
-had time to moisturize myself for an hour every day (I later realized that the mosquitoes sucked me dry cuz the moisturiser kept me all supple, so I stopped that for a while),
-lived through an earthquake,
-lost some weight!!!!! YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! I am proud to say that my tummy and my boobs are now considered two separate entities, they are now now clear demarcations between each other!!! Yeah, the food is so bland there, and of course, as Roseanne Barr once said, the fastest way to lose weight is to go to Bongland!
-got 10 CDs for $10 CDN!!!! ah the beauty of currency exchange!
-got a few wedding proposals hehehehehehe
-was considered a foreigner by my own people, accent or otherwise.... can you believe these people prefer my hair to be ....straight!!!! *gasp, horror of horrors!!!!!!* My hair is naturally curly, and if you want to look all sophisticated and up-scaly high society girl, apparently straight hair is it... darn, whatever happened to accepting beauty is the eye of the beholder!

Aaaaaaaaaanyways, I've got tons of wedding pics, but at the behest of my gf who got married, I am allowed to post only one pic of hers at the wedding, so here we go....

I've just reinstalled Hello and Picasa, and now all my pics come out blurry/fuzzy.... can anyone help PUHLLLLLEASEEEEE... why is this messed??

I'm famous!

2005-01-07T00:44:00.000-05:00

On a plus side, desi nashaa has her 15 minutes of fame!!

Check me out in CerocDubai

I'm the fat girl on the left! By the way this was before I left to Bongland, and I was huge then!

A sad ending.

2004-12-31T01:42:00.000-05:00

I was in Bongland on 26th Dec when the Tsunami disaster happened. We live in a city an hour's drive away from the Bay of Bengal.

This is an animation of the tsunami waves spreading over the Bay of Bengal, thanks to Nick Denton.

At about 7:30 a.m. that morning, my aunt called up our place, and said that the water in the ponds and lakes near their house had risen a good 10 feet up the air, so we had better rush downstairs because it seemed an earthquake had graced our presence.

Now, Bongs are used to natural disasters and calamities. In fact, floods, typhoons, and cyclones are a defining character of this country, so much so that when people are in the country, such natural disasters may be said to be ice-breakers in parties.

e.g.

Fat woman stuffing jalebis in mouth: So, what did you think of that ferry capsizing the other day in Cox's Bazar?

Fat man with pockmarked face: A sham, I must say, but on a positive note, not as gruesome as the floods in Dhaka the month before.

Aaaaaaaaanyways....

So I figured earthquakes were just another natural calamity that was added on to that poor country's plate.

Not really feeling the ground move, my mom and I didn't rush downstairs like asked. I was in my PJ's and I was thinking, "there is NO WAY I'm going downstairs in my PJ'S". So I went back to sleep.

Of course, the evening news said a different story.

And now, with the death toll at a staggering 118,000 I can say I am definitely one of the lucky ones. I can tell you if the tsunami had struck the country where I was soundly sleeping despite the beauty marks known as mosquito-bites, I wouldn't be writing this as the low sea-level of that country would definitely have wiped us out.

To all the people and nations affected by this horrendous disaster, my heart, donations and prayers go out for you.

***

Erm, ya, I'm back now. Bueacoup de bonbaisers aux tous mes amis.

Desi Nashaa has left the building....

2004-12-12T07:05:00.000-05:00

.... well for a pindly two and a half weeks anyways to Desi Nashaa's Desi-land.

I leave tonight and I've packed everything from saris and choodiyans to stilettos and bathrobes.

ICKS, SOOOOOOOOOO excited!!!!!

Momzilla is bitching why I'm only leaving three shades of lipstick behind out of the 20 I have and why I need to take 6 types of blush. Sheesh!!! She should be so lucky, I mean, I AM ONLY TAKING 5 PAIRS OF STILETTOS, leaving TEN BEHIND for Pete's sake!!!

Can you believe my bro wanted to take MY PRECIOUS phone to his India trip while I was in Bongland? MY PHONE. After calling me inconsiderate for buying MY NEW PRECIOUS PHONE BECAUSE the old one which he bought for me kept on messing up (thanks to water clogged). Hmph!! I don't think so, big brother! I would rather MY PRECIOUS PHONE GOT DAMPENED BY THE POLLUTION AND THE SMOKE AND THE FLOOD FILLED WATERS OF THE floods AND SWEPT BY THE CYCLONES THAN BE HANDLED BY SOMEONE CALLING ME INCONSIDERATE! Who by the way has yet to buy me my digicam like he promised! Hope you readin this bro!!

Oh and btw, yes, I am looking fwd to Desi land. I'm looking fwd to:

-Having my face blackened due to the smoke and pollution.
-Having to always boil water.
-Having the whole country stare at us.
-Getting humbled by in-your-face poverty.
-Being fed greasy dishes and greasy biryani during every meal by relatives who I have no recollection as to who they are.
-Being asked for bribes and rishwats every possible time I go out.
-Having maids do all the chores!!!!! Respite from Momzilla for 2.5 weeks!
-Being proposed to by ugly short men with mustaches. EWWWWWWWWW!!!!
-Having big-whoop-ass-frizz-hair thanks to the humidity.
-Watching my nieces 10 years younger than me get married before I do.
-Being driven everywhere by chauffeurs.
-Being driven in a country with NO STREET RULES. WHATSOEVER.
-Being in a country where people die of 16C weather (as opposed to -16C in Toronto).
-Giving up cleavagey tops and low-rise jeans for cleavagey kameezes and big-whoop-ass shalwars.
-FISH the way mummy makes!!!!!! YUMMMMMM!

DAYUM, I'm lookin fwd to it! Yeah babyeeeee!!

I'll be postin up wedding pics, but if I don't should I happen to be in a country with no internet access (HORRORS Of HORRORS!!!!), well then, have a great X-Mas and New Year's, everyone!!!

MMMMMUUUUUUAAAAAHHHHHHH to everyone!!!!!!

Love is...

2004-12-11T18:53:00.000-05:00

... my mom subjecting my dad to Khana Khazana (cooking show), and my dad watching it with surprised interest.

Date story

2004-12-11T16:41:00.000-05:00

I almost once dated a guy here who didn't know where Jumeirah Beach Road was.

Note: keyword is "almost" dated.

I had told him that for us to have coffee near Japengo's at DXB Marina Beach and Spa, he would have to take Jumeirah Road.

The guy had been in Dubai for a good 3 months, lived in Deira, and was a fluent Arabic speaker and writer. And while he was a man with a car and had been to the beach before, he didn't knew Jumes and he said, "I only know Sheikh Zayed Road".

I was dumbfounded. I think even a blind man in Fujairah could find his way to Jumeira Beach Road. And if he didn't know, he shouldn't be afraid to ask ways on how to get there. Because while there is Jumeira Rd 1/2/3, there is ONLY ONE Jumierah Beach Road in Dubai. And EVERYONE KNOWS THAT

So when I started giving him directions, (yes, ME giving directions!!) and my dad and bro heard me give directions to a guy on how to get to Sheikh Zayed Rd and Jumeirah Rd, they started laughing their heads off. In fact, this was the time when Sheikh Zayed had just passed away, and the whole country was in mourning, and my family wondered who was this ditz who didnt know how to get to Sheikh Zayed Road, considering the namesake of the road had just died. My bro was laughing so hard that he told me to tell the guy to go back wherever he came from!

I couldn't contain myself anymore and stifled my giggling and told him I'd call him back later. I feel awful, cuz when I called him back, poor bastard was sooooo serious and I think he heard the laughter at the background, and wouldn't take any directions from me cuz he decided he would get them from his friends!!

Awwwwwwww... needless to say, I never met him. The guy blew up on the phone eventually when I was 20 mins late. Kya scene thi.

Anyways, moral of this story:

-there are no morals, I'm bored and I remembered this almost-date-story.

Bollywood Blondies

2004-12-11T14:36:00.000-05:00

Yes, another Bollywood bitch rant. You might want to skip this post if you've had enough by now.

As if crazy-ass-colored contact lenses in the world of Indian soap TV isn't enough, we now have just about every female in Bollywood wanting to go all phoren/foreign/gori on us by going all blonde.

Yes, blonde.

Not brown/burnt ash/black. We're talking alabaster/Kim Basinger blonde.

Whatever happened to au naturel these days?

I am the first to admit different hair color looks nice. I mean, I just went for jet black blonde ditz a few days ago.

And my friends who know me know very well know I have a tendency to don grey contacts when I want to look all hot and sexy instead of fat and ugly. In fact, I have put up one such pic in profile just to prove how shallow I can be.

BUT.

If you have brown skin, and your mother and father and grandfather and great-grandmother and sixth-cousin-once-removed-from-your-uncle's-side are all brown skinned and have had nothing but dark hair all their lives, and one day you decide to go all blonde so you can slam your roots in the name of looking all hot and unique, it does look sort of pathetic. (It's not like you can wear different hair colors edvery day like contacts). Uniqueness goes down the toilet ESPECIALLY if all of Indian soap guys AND girls follow suit and color their hair blonde. I think there were more blondes among the actors and actresses in Indian Telly Awards than brunettes.

And none of them were goras. I wonder what the Hollywood stars would have thought if they were there.

P.s. No, I don't sit at home and watch Indian soaps all day long... it's my mummy, she's the one who tunes in to this crap daily and gets ideas in her head about how her bahu and kids will one day kick her out of the house and have affairs with just about everything on two legs.

Latest blonde Amisha Patel, flanked by Arjun HotRod and Hrithik Roshanlicious *double drools* and I dunno who those two bums are but they are spoiling the pic!!

If you didn't believe the first pic, check Ms Amisha's blonde roots out now. The HAIR guys, not the boobs, THE HAIR, LOOK UP!!!!!

Amrita Arora - another blonde. Her sister Malaika, all brunette, is a little more popular and prettier. Hmm, I wonder why.

Kareena Kapoor in "Hulchul". Gawd, if you're going to go blonde, go allllll the way. You missed a spot, Bebo, mainly the roots!

Yes, Kareena, I have to admit you look totally like a traditional Indian girl chomping on the poppadums with the shalwar kameez and the blonde hair.

Meet Koena Mitra

2004-12-11T14:24:00.000-05:00

I dunno whether to drab off the excessive oil off her bod, or slather on some more so I can watch her slip.

Hot eh?

(I bet everyone's starting to think I'm some kind of a lesbo by now)

Sorry boys, I really don't do threesomes.

Aaaaaaaanyways, I've displayed Koena here from the latest Indian flick "Musafir" here to show you the state of Bollywood these days.

This is what Bollywood has come down to.

A Xena-Warrior Princess stance competing with the world's oil-rigs. Clothes? Who needs clothes these days when you have chunky-gold-foil-like-thingies to cover your privates?

A must-see flick for guys wanting to check out bodalicious Koena, who btw I happen*ed* to like because she is Bengali and could have come close and risen to the ranks of likes of Bengali dusky babes like Rani Mukherjee, had she not pulled a Bipasha Basu and disappointed the hell out of me.

Darn.

Meet Preeti Jhingiani

2004-12-11T13:47:00.000-05:00

Where's she gone now?

A very pretty girl, right?

She should be, it's not like you can make it to Bollywood with just your brains after all.

Anyways, I watched something on the telly today, that made me realize how sad Bollywood is. This chick, btw, was one of the heroines of this movie "Mohabbatein" which apparently was a hit/flop, however you may want to look at it. But I guess she didn't make it into the big time after that.

Because she is now reduced to doing talent dances for obscure award shows. (eg. some talent show I glimpsed on tonight). Don't get me wrong, she's not a bad dancer, so I guess she must have *some* talent.

BUT.

She must've performed like 100 dances for songs from films that she had never acted in. This is what happens to the stars in Bollywood who don't always have a steady stream of films lined up.

They are reduced to gyrating their pelvis and dancing in front of strangers who have talents that far exceed dancing.

Tch, tch.

Did you know...

2004-12-10T07:51:00.000-05:00

... that you can be on your way to winning the Nobel Peace Prize, just by starting a campaign to plant trees across Africa?

Environmentalist Wangari Maathai (that's a chick) did just that.

I guess TV's not completely useless.

I'm bored out of my skull packing

2004-12-10T07:45:00.000-05:00

I wish life were a bowl of luggage packers.

I think that's the ginger and honey drink in me talking.

Such a pretty day outside. All this blue sea-ness thing and the weather.

If only life were a bowl of POTATOES...

2004-12-10T07:44:00.000-05:00

...I'd make gnocchi out of it.

Yum.

CRAP

2004-12-10T06:30:00.000-05:00

-I'm going away *overseas* until New Year's FOR..... can we have a drumroll please.....

A WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ICKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!

I GET TO WEAR SARIS AND ALL KINDS OF SHIT!!!! All my Meena Bazar shopping is finally coming in handy!!!

-Salma Hayek and Angelina Jolie are absolutely beautiful!!! But that doesnt make me a lesbian!!!

-I do not like being sick.

-Omar Sharif was yummy in Dr. Zhivago.

-I never thought I'd welcome cloudy weather, but here I am in Dubai, and I'm loving cloudy weather.

-I'm BUYING A DIGITAL CAM SOOONNNNNN!!!!! IN THE NEXT FEW HOURS!!!!!!

Ok, feeling of euphoria has come and gone. I'm going to bed.

!@#$!@#$%^

2004-12-10T06:23:00.000-05:00

I dunno about you all, but Blogger pisses me off royally sometimes.

Yep, just when you thought I couldn't get any more pissed than my usual self, here it comes.

So, this is my bitchfuck rant about blogger.

First, blogger is *always down/slow/fucked up* whenever I (ME) want to post a loooooooong post. So, the joys of posting goes down the drain when your half an hour long bitchrant is wiped when the "Cannot find server" screen pops up.

This happens when I want to post comments to my commenters, eg the Desi nashaa inbox fescapade.

Dont ask me to switch blogs cuz I am really not THAT crazy about blogging to switch.

Apparently me being away for a WHOLE week wasnt enough time for blogger to get their servers in order.

Ok, so Im bitching at a server that provides me FREE blogging space.

BUT.

The point of blogging is you can BITCH.

AT OTHER THINGS, not blogging.

Yes, ok, Im an ungrateful little wench.

P.s. Dee, thanks for Sulekha, Im going to mention you when I accept my prize. hehe he

OOPS

2004-12-09T00:42:00.000-05:00

Sorry all have been really busy.... will get back to Earth soon.

Desi Nashaa's Inbox - (this is rated PG so warning you ahead)

2004-12-01T04:32:00.000-05:00

Remember the good old days when you used to get those junk mails that you used to rush home to read? Now, of course, thanks to Spam mail settings in your HormoneMail or Yahoo, they are directly filtered to your Junk folder, thus depriving you of some serious intellectual reading.

Don't play dumb with me, you know what I'm talking about... those emails from Online universities promising you an MBA for those halfwits that dropped out of school, those Viagra emails sent out to every living thing on two legs, those porno emails appropriately titled "PI:LL P:en:is s:iz:e e:nl:arg:ement is a reality" from "Dick Health"... and of course, who can forget the classic junk mail.... sent to you by some ousted dictator in Nigeria/Rwanda/Liberia/Cotonou Republic of Benin/Hell on Earth and every other orifice that you can think of, who used to work as Asst Attorney General until the whole family perished in a wildfire/coup/plane crash/stabbed to death/died watching Baywatch re-runs and now they have all this excess 14 million or some US dollars and all they want to do is some business transaction with you, but they can't do that because they need your bank account number because apparently 14 million US $ can't buy jack shit, not even a bank account, for Pete's sake.

AAAANYWAYS........ that's NOT my point.

My point is, while I do revel in immersing myself in such riveting reading material, I gotta warn you, NOW there's a whole new breed of emails coming out, set to add further spice to someone else's more melodramatic life. E.g. MOI.

Here's a few of the latest blurbs:

**ONE**

Dear Desi Nashaa, (my real name changed of course :P)

I'm new in UAE.
Last month I got a two month ban and now I'm in Iran,
I need to talk with someone in UAE to help me find a better job and a
better place to live

I'm Programmer and I need your help. And if you do it you'll make me
happy.

Thank you
Bob

**END**

Wave of emotions felt while reading this:

-I am the unofficial UAE Immigration Autohrity.
-I am unofficial visa provider, despite my unemployment status.
-People feel comfortable to reach out to me and talk to me about finding better job and place to live, thus I can be HR material.
-I live in Dubai, and Dubai is full of programmers, so via property of transitiveness, I must be a programmer and can help fellow programmer to find programming job, despite the fact that I've only recently learnt the beauty of CTRL ALT DEL.
-I can make someone very happy. Don't laugh, Bob from Iran said so!!!
-I feel sorry for Bob's situation, so I am emphatic.
-I'm so into me.... everything that Bob has said, I literally translated to how it would affect me.... gosh, I'm so selfish, I need help..... SHITE, there I go again with the "I" bit!
-My name is Persian. This is completely off-key, I just had to drop that in.

I didn't reply to Bob... I'm not a total meanie. Sometimes I will only slap people, but it's not like I always stiletto them.

**TWO**

Hi im saeed living in Dubai
Im university student am would like to make
Friend with you If you want.
Please send me your email address I want to send you mu pic
Please reply me thanks bye

**END**

I think I've found my Prince Charming. This guy seems marriageable material, forget friendship proposal!! Mom, dad, call of the arranged marriage invites, this guy wants MY PIC AND WILL SEND ME HIS!!!!

And Amit, no, I didn't make this up!!!

It's spreading.

2004-12-01T04:10:00.000-05:00

The revolution has started.

Once upon a time, the word "CITY" used to be limited to just Dubai when it came to naming real estate/tourism projects with certain themes (e.g. Dubai Internet City/ Media City/ Healthcare City... for a full list of CITY cities, check out my bitch-rant with the word city.

Anyways, as if that wasn't bad enough... the concept of the CITY theme is now spreading to Moral-Decency-Law City (stop rolling your eyes, aren't you used to that city word by now?!) a.k.a. Sharjah, with the introduction of... TA DAAAAAAAAA!!! Emirates Industrial City in SHJ.

I'm not going to bitch about this.

Dubai might become bitch city at this rate with all the love that I may end up spreading.

# 42 - Pamper yourself ...or your hair.

2004-11-29T01:51:00.000-05:00

I went to this salon yesterday...

Somebody had given me a 4 visit deal...

One of those things where it's valued at 1300 Dhs, and you get it for 299 Dhs...

Yesterday was my "pamper hair stuff" deal....

And I colored my hair....

Jet black.

So my brown streaks are gone. No highlights. No sun/ pool streaks wisps of brown. No one will mistake me for a mixed breed anymore.

It now looks like tar. My hair is now darker than the asphalt on the roads.

I feel very ambivalent about this. I dunno whether to laugh or cry!

AAAAAAAAAAARGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

2004-11-27T15:17:00.000-05:00

PHONE BUSTED AGAIN!!!

DESI NASHAA ANGRY!!!

DESI NASHAA SMASH!!!!!!

Desi Nashaa's BrownGirlsInDubai Funniest Applications - Part 2

2004-11-25T07:15:00.001-05:00

Firstly, I would like to stress, and I simply cannot stress this enough..... browngirlsindubai is a REAL group!!!!!!

Yes, really!!!

I mean, I even have a logo for it, see!! You know the first real sign, or defining character, of the existence of the corporatism of your product is to brand your product, logo it (desi nashaa's BusinessClass 101)...and you have the BGID logo right there staring at you!!!

BrownGirlsInDubai, copyright symbol, 2004 heh heh. Art courtesy of, with much thanks, www.artraj.com

It's not a figment of my over-active imagination...
It's not a ruse to get people to read my blog....
It's not an escort group...

It's a real live group!! True, the number of members right now is ridiculously miniscule, but then a lot of people like Beckham have miniscule brains and you don't see anyone complaining!!

Secondly, a big round of applause and thanks to Amritraj aka designer extra-ordinaire for designing the BrownGirlsInDubai logo...

He's given me three cutie-pie designs, and instead of using just one, I have decided that I will use ALL three, depending on what my mood is like!!!

From what I can make out from his blog, the guy is a great designer, so for all your designing needs, please check him out!!!

*end advertorial schpiel here* hehehe

*ps: no, amritraj did NOT pay me for this*

Thirdly, due to popular demand, I thought it was just appropriate that I actually explain the reasoning and source for the name of this group....

Kevin had suggested that to avoid discrimination of group, it should be appropriately titled with something like DesiGirlsInDubai. Brilliant idea, Kev. HOWEVER, since the BrownGirlsInDubai group is meant to be a spinoff of the Toronto chapter (YES VIRGINIA, there is a BrownGirlsInToronto!!!!), I thought it was only appropriate that I follow tradition and follow the original name and theme.

Also, when BrownGirlsInDubai go live in the stock markets and IPO shares skyrocket as they will obviously hahahaha, I thought BrownGirls Inc. would be more in line with BrownGirlsInDubai and BrownGirlsInToronto, rather than DesiGirlsinDubai.... Know what I mean??

Fourthly, for those that are still wondering what the word brown/desi means...

Now, for those that know me, you know I'm not very good at desi-speak. So I will try my best to explain to non-desi-ers...hahahahaa, sort of like the blind leading the blind!!!

Ahem.

*begin*

To Desi, or not to Desi... that is the question!

Ok, ok, seriously... desi literally means "someone who is native of". It's also the more trendy word to describe all the Indians and people from the sub-continent who are spread across the globe, giving rise to a whole new breed of the Indian diaspora. Rather than coming back to their homelands, as most do, you will find some desis as well these days who are first/second/third generation desis in the country where they reside... so some have made these foreign lands their permanent homes... and India and the sub-continent are just someplace they visit during the family vacations...

So to cut a long story short, you can have desis in Toronto, San Fran, Mexico, Alaska, India, Dubai, Monaco, Outer Mongolia, core of the earth for all I care... BUT at the end of the day, you can take a desi out of his/her country, but you cant take the desiness out of him/her. I hope this makes sense. Sort of like any other expat stories, BUT. Put in a desi equation, and it becomes a bigger fish to fry because there's SOOOOOOOOOOO MANY DESIS everywhere!!!

*end*

Fifthly, you will not understand what follows next if you haven't read previous BGID posts:

BrownGirlsInDubai - Grand Opening

BrownGirlsInDubai - Screening Applications Part 1

And now, for the grand finale.....

Thought I'd fill my readers with the latest BGID applications.... good for a laugh, I always say!

5. sdevayani from sdevayani@yahoo.com

--sdevayani's reason to join the browngirlsindubai group:
"love 2 love"

Me: Now, I dunno what part of my BGID website states that "love" is a pre-requisite to join the group. In fact, since I have stepped on the tarmacs of Dubai Airport, the word love has not had the chance to embellish itself in my vocabulary, nor on my blog (well, ok, maybe on the blog, but I need to make a statement here!). My point is, the purpose of BGID is not so that its distinguished members can provide unrequited love to prospective members. No. In fact, the purpose of the group is that the BGID members can have all the fun in the world, at the whole world's expense of course. So, in legalese terms, love and fun can only be synonymous with the girls involved in BGID activities. Said "love" shall not be a factor, nor shall it be considered to be a determining factor in getting entrance to the group.

Plus, he/she sounds like a creep.

Reject.

The next entry is an honorary reject. Why honorary? Read on.

nicensweetsweet from nicensweetsweet@yahoo.co.in

--nicensweetsweet's reason to join the browngirlsindubai:
"Please add me I am an Indian staying in dubai
thank u"

Me: Well, I thought this was nice and polite. Seems to fulfill all requirements. My fingers musta been working overtime cuz I actually added this person instead of asking for a little more info... (ie asking if man or woman)... So I later emailed away, asking for clarification. And nada. I don't want to have a perv checking out my group and event pics (yes, they will follow soon enough dammit!!), so I kicked him/her out of the group.

KA-POW!!!

Ya, I know I'm a little bit of bi-atch. But my BGID girls are MY responsibility, and no one can ever say I don't look out for my bitches!! (Don't give me that face, that's a term or endearment!! Among girls ONLY!!!)

4. khurram_sf from khurram_sf@yahoo.com

--khurram_sf's reason to join the browngirlsindubai:
"i am a brown colored person myself and love the company of brown women thanks"

Me: *Rolling eyes* *gives out a great big sigh* While I applaud you, khurram, for being an exemplary human being that produces the most lame-ass remark I have heard of to date, and while I applaud you for stringing it together to form a coherent sentence, I have to say that your love for brown women does not do much to fulfill the requirements that one needs to get into the group for the next 50 years. At least. Sorry, but it's just a question of gender... you have to be either a girl or a boy to be a member. Or a f***ing eunuch.

3. vallabhan2004 from vallabhan2004@yahoo.com

--vallabhan2004's reason to join the browngirlsindubai:
"yo"

Me:Twit. 'Nuff said.

2. net2nety at net2nety@yahoo.com

--net2nety's reason to join the browngirlsindubai:
"hi i am lookin gfor the beaty around the world. i hope that I find nice girls to know here

regads"

Me: There must have been a record for the number of times the phrase "you godforsaken f***in little desperate fuckwittage who can't spell" came out of my mouth that night, and a record for the number of times some of my friends managed to giggle and choke on their drinks when they heard this story!

And the prize for the latest hall-of-shamer in Dubai goes to:

Ray from dubaisk@hotmail.com

This guy is a whole different story altogether.

He actually emailed browngirlsindubai an email, appropriately titled "Application".

Ahaan.

This is what he wrote:

***BEGIN***

hi there

saw your club profile

would seem surely interested in either becoming a member or even meeting a motivated member

im male

asian

live in dubai

are you game?

Ray

***END***

Not too shabby eh. Ray's got balls. And not just two. No, you get YOUR mind out of the gutter... see pic to see what I mean, you dirty little bugger!

So Ray wants to play. ("are you game?") Of course you want to play, Ray, you must've thanked the Seven Heavens when you stumbled upon my group that says:

"This site is solely for women of South Asian origin residing in Dubai, UAE."
" ***As long as you're a WOMAN of South Asian origin,*** "
"an excuse for girls to get together and do things."
"***PLEASE NOTE: This club is a WOMEN'S ONLY club."

Ray, you blithering idiot. You know, www.dictionary.com can be your friend. And Woman is not a censored word.

TWIT.

# 43 - Discover alternative modes of transportation - Part 3 - Para Sailing

2004-11-23T10:28:00.000-05:00

Now I don’t have any pics to support this, simply because I’ve just busted up my BenQ digicam while parasailing.

It’s not so bad as it sounds... quite hilarious when you look at it.

Quite simply, parasailing involves the parasailer (e.g. me) being tied up in a harness like thing, which is attached to a parachute thingy...the parasailer is pulled by a speed boat while being at least 200 to 400 m above the water. (ok, so my definition sucks, but you get the drift).

Anyways, it’s a thing of beauty to do, especially in Dubai, cuz you get to see the Burj Al Arab at its majestic splendour, the Palm Island construction, the gorgeous blue-green sea, the sting-rays sting-raying away in the ocean, see the Emirates Towers from the beach (and that’s quite a stretch from Jumeirah Beach!!!), part of Deira too!!, the other jet skiers.. I had never been more glad to have been the owner of a digicam then, clicking away all of that Dubai has to offer.

Until my trusty jet ski guy waves at me frantically from the speed-boat, implying that we’re going to have to land... half an hour earlier than expected. Crud it.

I later found out that they couldn’t pull the rope back to the boat, which is how normal parasailers land, due to some technical failure thing. Nope, they could either drop me to the middle of the ocean, or the shores of the beach. I should’ve been disappointed, but I gave them the thumbs up to do that cuz things might just start to get interesting now!!!

So they dropped me to the shores.. I forgot to unhook the harness thing, and before you know it, desi nashaa was being dragged by a parasail on the beaches of Jumeirah!! Ugh, my elbows!! Anyways, that was good for a laugh.. I made a LOT more friends that way!!

My camera, which I had kept outside my waterproof pouch, got a little drenched too!! But I was like, no big deal, at least my phone was inside the pouch so at least that was in working order. (Of course, when I later checked, my phone warranty guys tell me it’s clogged with water... don't ask why I took my phone to the warranty guys... I tried to pull one on them, but apparently they're not as dumb as they look).

Nevertheless, I splish-splashed over to the jet-ski that came to retrieve me...harness and all. My buddy “Jumbo”, the brother of my trusty jet-ski owner, came to pick me up and I figured I might as well enjoy a little jet-skiing while I’m at it.

Now, Jumbo’s a nice guy, but he’s a little flirt. He knows how much I love jet-skiing, so he told me to hang on tight while he shows me a few fancy tricks. AND his tricks were nothing short of amazing!!! I was back on track, screaming at the top of my lungs... When suddenly Jumbo made such a crazy-ass devilish turn that threw me off the jet-ski!!!

So there I was, *right smack in the water, in the middle of the Arabian Sea/Ocean/Gulf!!!* All without a lifejacket!!

I didn’t know whether to start swimming or stop my giggling. I mean, IT WAS A VERY FUNNY SITUATION... I guess you had to be there to get it! The icing on the cake was that somewhere along then, I lost my sister-in-law’s hat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAARGHHHHHHHH!!!! Losing a girl’s hat is almost like losing a girl’s shoes, and I must tell you, that is a NO-NO!!! NO EXCEPTIONS...you simply cannot compromise when it comes to a girl’s shoes or hat!!!

I got to the beach, and the guys at the jet-ski were shaking their heads and laughing at me, waving their fingers at me and pointing out that I was bad luck! I was soaked to my skin, and could only stifle giggles and tell them at least I make their lives a little exciting!!!

Anyways, good times were had by all, and the moral of the story:

Price of parasailing: 0 Dhs (they refused to charge me cuz of my unfortunate “accident”…YAYYY!)
Price of busted up digicam & digicam memories: 140 Dhs and a few regrets
Price of busted up cell phone: 50 Dhs
Price of taking cabbie to the beach: 35 Dhs
Price of loss of sis-in-law’s precious hat: 15 CDN $

Price of giggling helplessly trying not to swallow the salt while floating in the Arabian Sea/Ocean (or whatever ocean it is): PRICELESS!

Right, can't hide it anymore....

2004-11-20T08:50:00.000-05:00

So, I AM obsessed with Meena Bazar. Just a tad. Taking pics of mannequins in sequinned clothes in front of people thinking you're nuts has nothing to do with it.

BTW, that lehnga was ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKINGLY GORGEOUS. It was a nice turquoisey color, and the turquoiseness (is that a word??) drifted off to this pinkish pastely color, and it just looked *absolutely divine* when you ran your hands across the lining thing, and the little beady flowery things and the decor... A MERE POST AT MY BLOG DOESN'T DO IT JUSTICE. I THOUGHT I HAD DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN... AND EVERY SECOND MORE THAT I LAID MY EYES ON IT, I DIED AGAIN..AND AGAIN... AND AGAIN... and the other day when I went back and drove past the store... I died a hundred more deaths when they took it off the mannequin.

*Can we have a moment of silence, please?* Thanks, much appreciated.

# 44 - Discover alternative modes of transportation - Part 2

2004-11-20T06:28:00.000-05:00

It's amazing what you can find at the beach these days - a living work of art. I didn't ride this one cuz I rather fancy the smell of jet-ski petrol on my clothes than the smell of camel petrol... if you know what I mean. But it's an absolute beauty nevertheless. If I could get daddy to get me one of these, I wouldn't need to borrow the car every other day.

Plus beats taking a cab.

And we all know how much I hate taking cabs.

# 45 - Discover alternative modes of transportation - Part 1

2004-11-20T06:13:00.000-05:00

This was Day 1 Of Jet-Skiing. First day was free cuz I'm so good at cajoling people to let me try out new things!!!

By Day 3 (ya, I couldn't get enough!), I got so good that I became highly proficient at throwing any other passengers I had off the jet-ski!! Yeah, I know *some* of you might dispute the defintion of proficiency here... but if you're not the on holding on to my waist and squeezing the life out of me while I'm crashing the waves at gadzillion miles/hour with metric ton impulse, you wouldn't understand why I threw them off.

# 46

2004-11-18T17:07:00.000-05:00

# 46. Visit the rest of the emirate. E.g. Al Ain.

Won't say too much of this trip because I really don't have much to say about Al Ain. No, not being sarcastic, mind you. It's actually very pretty. All the date trees. Or palm trees. Or date-palm trees. *Ok, Jessica Simpson moment here* Is that two separate entities... the date and palm trees? Or is that one big hybrid, a date-palm tree?

Anyways, what's my point..

oh yes, Al Ain's very pretty. Very green.

Except the roundabouts. It's shit-damn-packed with roundabouts in every sq. ft. of land. But otherwise nice. and quiet. And I'm a city girl, I do love my concrete jungles.

But do take your laptop with you if you do visit. Just in case roundabouts don't do it for you.

# 47

2004-11-17T05:55:00.000-05:00

#47. Practice your French!

I know, I know, sounds like a tall order...but hear me out!

What better time to try out new things, or get in touch with activities that you had enjoyed in the past?!

When I was in Toronto, I used to practice my French when I'd travel to Montreal for the Montreal Jazz Fest. A lottta fun. Here, I'm restricted to reading nutritional values in tomato can labels. So, with that in mind, a few days ago, I set out with my visiting sis-in-law to put my French to use.

Venue: Oasis Centre in Sheikh Zayed Road, AREEJ store
Target: French wannabe salesperson (where else do you expect to find French linguist these days if not a perfume store?!)

Camera cues in to us entering AREEJ:

(in whispered hushed tones)
Sis-in-law: Hey, you know what you gonna look for?
Me: I dunno, they all smell the same to me...quick, what do movie stars wear...
Sis-in-law: Whaaa, you nutter you don't know your perfum-
Me: I know, I dated this one guy once who wore HUGO BOSS-

Tall guy in all black shirt and jacket (and pants too, btw) cuts in, and sez, "Hello? HUGO BOSS? 'Tafaddalee'....

Me: Err, no, we just want to-
Black suit: Oui, je sais, HUGO BOSS... la parfum...

Me: (thinking, oooh, he speaks French... desi nashaa antenna goes on alert!)

Err, oui oui, mais je voudrais cette parfum pour la femme, s'il vous plait
[Trans: err, yeah, but I need HUGO BOSS for women]

Black suit gives an impressive gasp and goes, "ah, parlez-vous francais? Je sais ca, you look mixed.."

[Trans: Oh, you speak french? I knew that, you look like a cross-breed..."

Me: Err, non, je suis canadienne, and francais...c'est la deuxieme langue de ce pays..
[Trans: No, I'm Canadian, and french is our second language.."

Black suit: Mais oui, tu es d'ou? J'ai habite a Nice en France mais je suis de Lebanon...oh, je manque France, c'est tres jolie et les gents... je te jure, ils ne se sont pas comme les ici...

[Trans: Yes, but where are you from? I've lived in Nice, France but I am from Lebanon... I miss France, it's very beautiful and the people... I swear to you, they are not like the people here...]

Me: (thinking, CRAP, talk about overloading! And Oh crap crap crap crap crap crap, here we go with the sales scpiel! find out everything about me so you can see me that 25 ml bottle for 3 figures)

Eh bien, je suis touriste, je suis la il y a un mois, et je voudrais des parfums cadeaux pour mes amis... HUGO BOSS pour les femmes...c'est combien?

[Trans: Well, I'm a tourist, I'm just visiting, been here a month, and I need a few perfumes as gifts for my buddies...The HUGO BOSS for women, how much is it?

Black suit : Well, the bigger one is 190 something odd dirhams...

Me:T'es fou?! (you crazy?!) I can get this for 100 dirhams max!

Black suit :*raised eyebrows* really? Where??

Me:Ummm, Meena Bazar!!!

Black suit : *looking at me like I'm from Pluto* Okaaaaaayyyyy...where is this Meena Bazar...

Me: Err, ne t'inquietez pas! (don't worry about it!) *and we all burst out laughing!*

Notice how I'm totally into my french now after the initial little phut phut...

BUT HERE'S WHAT I FAILED TO FORESEEE.... My just-wanna-practice-my-french-plan-goes-haywire:

The guy is soooooo impressed with my french, (well, I was pretty impressed with his choice of perfumes... Check out the new "ECHO" by DAVIDOFF, its HEAVEN!!!) that he has by now started talking to me in rapid french, and asked me my whole life story, made me sample a few more choice perfumes, told me he used to be a bodyguard in the States (he had a Green Card, but somehow his ex-wife ratted out on him in the States and the deportation police had deported him because him being a bodyguard, she accused him of assaulting her, showed the cops a couple of her basketball bruises, and the cops took her word for it than his, and now he is here in Dubai, and now he is so happy to have met me... in fact, he is so damn thrilled that he shows me a few of his modelling pics that he conveniently stores in his phone...even showed me his bodybuilder Schwarzenegger type piccie of his on his celly, and my sis-in-law and I are acting all interested, and feigning interest cuz how do you tell a guy, "No, I realllly don't want to see you all naked except for a teeny weeny boxers for me just as yet..."

*All this the guy tells me at meeting me for the first time*

Ahem.

My poor sis-in-law is dropping a laugh here and there at the right pauses, and I want to leave!! But Black suit is soooo happy, he asks me more about my life, and how he wants to see me(!!!!!!! MOTHER OF MERCY!!!!!) AND do I have a number he can reach me because he is off tomorrow, and he would like to get to know me...

Me:Err, no, see I'm a tourist, so I don't have a phone really....

PHONE STARTS RINGING JUST THEN CUZ daddy wants to know when I'll be home....cripes, what timing!

Black suit looks dejected, as if I my little white lie has pierced a thousand skewers in his heart..

Me: Oh, this phone, yes, its not mine, its ...my sis-in-law's!!

Of course my sis-in-law's phone rings then because her hubby wants to know NOW when she will be home....GRRRRRR, talk about crappy timing dammit!!

Me: (Guilt settles in...) Well, actually, I guess this is my phone for a while, while I'm visiting..

Black Suit: *Takes my phone and gives his phone a missed call* Good, now I have your number, and I would really like to get to know you... I am off tomorrow..

Me: Yes, well, I'm a little busy, I have people coming over...

Black suit: Yallah habibi, no problem, we will talk tomorrow, I will give you a call after work and we can talk TODAY!!

Me: I have to go now, ok, whatever, BYE!!

*My sis-in-law and I leave the store, in fits of giggles and eyeball rollings...well, holy shit, that was FUN!!!*

Na-uh, THINK AGAIN!!

Black suit has called me quite a few times after that... and he gets insulted when I am too busy to pick up the phone...and he likes me simple as that... and he wants to get to know me...so what if he doesnt have a car, and needs a carlift, I APPARENTLY DO, but I have told him I'm a tourist, so I need to be chauffured with my sis-in-law, and he goes, no problem, bring her along...

ARGHHH!!!

Had a few SMS lately from Black Suit, and he's offended why I have'nt picked up phone...and sez "he only wants love from me, because he can go to a nightclub and get any girl, (cuz you see what a bodybuilder he is), and so what if I have a boyfriend in Toronto (my make-believe one), its not like I LOVE HIM, in his opinion, I should just get to know Black Suit and maybe go live in Nice in France with him one day.....

The saga goes on...

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M SO BLOODY NICE AND NOT BLOODY AGRESSIVE IN SAYING NO!!! BUT I guess I did ask for it....schupid, schupid me....

But hey, I got my french fix out of it. At a price!!!! So kids, don't try this if you're not game for it! Or ready for devotional SMS!

# 48

2004-11-15T16:20:00.001-05:00

# 48. Give thanks to God for the best things in life - my baby, coochie coochie cooooo, mere jigar ki tukra. (this thanking thing falls into the "so what if i don't have a job category, i have my little joe schmoe in life that matters category"... no, desperation has not set in yet i suppose.)

# 49

2004-11-15T16:17:00.000-05:00

# 49. Please don't ask me why resume-updating is # 49 and not # 1. You'll only make me feel guilty. And lazy.

50 things to do when you're unemployed

2004-11-15T16:15:00.000-05:00

# 50. This is obviously a given.

JOB JOB JOB

2004-11-15T16:02:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all my dear readers who've sympathized with me being an unemployed-bum situation.... *does a Sally Field Oscar nomination speech* "You like me... you realllly like me!"

What kinda job am I looking for?

Well, I DON'T DO WINDOWS. No window-cleaning. YUCK. Seen a few ugly-ass cockroaches lying dead there and it makes me sick to my stomach.

On a more serious note...

I'd love to write for a living. Do what I'm doing like my blog, and get paid for it. I've already been working on my own very racy literature for the past few months.

Think about it.

Everything in Dubai media is either a little too clean-cut. Or too booooooooooring. No one expresses how they feel. And when they do say it, well, it's all sugar coated. And they do SUCH a crappy job at it with that. Ugh.

I think I can make people laugh. And make them think. But mostly I can piss people off, royally. What more can you possibly need from your readers and your circulation? A columnist/features person would be nice!!!

Ya, pipe dreams I know. But then I was never a very normal kid growing up.